Let’s face it: everyone wants to experience love, companionship and affection from a significant other at some point. That extra desire to have a romantic relationship seems to come around during the winter months. We see couples in matching pajamas on Instagram, kissing under pretty lights and cuddling by fireplaces. At times, we extremely single people think: “Man, when will that be me?”
I’ve never been in a relationship before, and sometimes I think I should’ve at this point in my life as a sophomore in college. Because of this, I’ve dealt with the fear of missing out (or FOMO) and used to spend too much time worrying about why this hasn’t happened to me yet. It was an insecurity I had for the longest time.
I know I am still young, but after a while, it feels shameful to be a “late-bloomer.” This ever-changing world can pressure you to move faster than what you’re ready for. After realizing this, I had to rearrange how I feel about my singleness. I began to find ways to embrace my inexperience, independence and enjoy solitude.
One day, I won’t have this type of ‘inexperienced bliss’ anymore. I want to use it to the best of my advantage until I no longer can. There is so much about myself that I have yet to discover on my own before entering my first relationship.
Social media seems to add the most stress to young, single people during this time of year. The issue is that people commonly show the best image of themselves online, and that includes the appearance of their relationships. For example, a girl can post her and her boyfriend’s Christmas photos online appearing to be happy and secure together. However we, as the onlookers, may never know the true situation behind an image uploaded unless the uploader themselves shares it with us.
The people closest to us can pressure us to get into relationships, too. For example, when you return home from college, family members and friends may ask interrogative questions like:
“Why aren’t you dating right now?”
“When are you going to settle down and bring someone home?”
“Have you found someone special yet?”
These questions may come from people who gained a lot of dating experience while in college, so they may expect others to do the same. On the other hand, they may also just be nosey. I personally have not faced pressures from my family about dating at this point (at least not yet), but I know friends and fellow college students who have. It’s annoying and can cause anxiety.
You might start to think there’s something wrong with you when you’re constantly heckled by family and peers for remaining single. After a certain age — depending on the family or cultural upbringing — being single is sometimes considered odd or shameful. It’s an outdated idea, but still relevant in some people’s lives.
However, one’s dating life is their own business. The timing for first or new relationships is different for everyone, and the people closest to you should understand that.
At this time, I plan to only focus on what I can control. I realize that I cannot control what people post on their social media or their relationship statuses. What I can control, however, are my reactions to it.
Reminding myself that one cute image does not tell the entire story behind a relationship helps keep things in perspective. I can choose not to react in any way toward others’ love lives and redirect my focus. I can also control the type of content I want to see on my timeline. Censoring, muting and blocking posts are tactics to use for that. Temporarily disconnecting from social media altogether can also help. It may sound overdramatic, but if it helps to lessen any insecurities, then so be it.
I also accepted the fact that my time to have a boyfriend is not right now. In the year 2021, I did not have a boyfriend, and that is fine. In 2022, that will be fine as well. Everyone will have their time come (at least that’s what my therapist says).
Though it feels like “never,” I had to train myself to say “not right now” instead. I tend to feel more at ease when I replace that phrase. I can still be cynical about it and have times where I heavily doubt it. It’s an ongoing internal battle. These are just a few ways I learned to battle it.
Please, do not feel pressure to have a boo this winter season. I had to find acceptance toward my romantic inexperience. I learned that it’s more draining to worry about how you are compared to others’ love lives than to simply not focus on it at all. It’s more anxiety-inducing to give in to family, friends and society’s pressures than it is to not internalize it.
It is okay to be where you are right now regardless of what anyone tells you. There are others out there who are in the same boat as me and possibly you who are reading this column. Other people in college — out here somewhere — are in the same predicament.
Edited by Cayli Yanagida | cyanagida@themaneater.com
