Picture this: You’ve been dating someone for a while and you’re sure they’re the one. You’ve already looked at their sun sign on Snapchat and scoured the internet for their birthplace. But there is one thing nagging you about them: their birth chart. You know unveiling a full birth chart can make or break your relationship, but you don’t want to clue in your new boo-thang on how astrology-obsessed you really are. If you’ve found yourself in this dilemma time and time again, take our tips on secretly learning your partner’s birth time without them ever knowing.
Hack into their phone.
If you’re super advanced in tech, check out this option! Instead of asking their parents, hack into their phone and do it yourself! Hacking into their phone also gives you an opportunity to see if they’re talking to other people and learn everything about them. Not in a creepy way, of course.
Befriend their mother.
This should be relatively easy depending on your aptitude for Facebook stalking and your affinity for the middle-aged. Being besties with their mom will not only allow you to weasel out their birth time, but also earn everything about your partner. Your beau will be thrilled, everyone loves it when their partner becomes super close with their mom out of the blue. It’s a win-win!
Time Travel!
While discovering time travel might be a bit difficult, your love for astrology your partner will surely motivate you through it. Developing this skill could help the world and more importantly, it will allow you to visit your partner’s birth and transcribe the birth time yourself. Hopefully, you’ve been studying up on quantum physics!
Sell your soul to the devil.
Admittedly, this is the most emotionally taxing option. But who needs a soul anyway? In selling your soul, you’ll find out your partner’s birth time andmake sure you are together FOREVER. You’ll need to make sure you’re using the correct ancient tomes and scrolls. If this goes wrong, you might end up just selling your soul to a lesser demon.
While these options might seem really time-consuming and somewhat impossible, just remember: It’s all for the love of your partner. It will all be worth it when this new information brings you two closer together, regardless of birth charts. Unless they turn out to be a Gemini rising, of course. No one wants to date a Gemini rising.
Edited by Ever Cole, ecole@themaneater.com
Copy Chief — Jacob Richey | jrichey@themaneater.com