Artist statement: This collection encapsulates my experience growing up and the emotions that come with getting older. They highlight the events we go through as young adults and the feelings of yearning, wonder and yes, the sadness that comes with them.
Happy crying tears
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Ever since I was youngFor as long as I can rememberI’ve been a happy crierEver since I was young.
In kindergartenAt a Christmas concertThe candles lit upMy tears cascade downEver since I was young.
I was only 6 thenI’m 19 nowSo what’s the excuse?Got no pride left to loseWhat can I say now?
I get so tired of waitingFor what I want mostFor the life of my dreamsI’m falling apart, it seemsNot much left to do now.
I’ve been crying tears of joyThey fall down my cheeksI can’t help but feel these feelings I’ve been feelin’ for weeksIt’s the same old bitter sweet, same old melancholyHappy crying tears.
I’ve been crying tears of joy over the smallest of thingsJust when the music consumes meI find it so movingIt’s the same old bitter sweet, same old melancholyHappy crying tears.
Life’s been so confusingI feel so blessedBut it’s been so hardI can’t help but feel scarredLife is so confusing.
I think about the futureAnd performing for a big crowdAnd those thoughts get so loudBut honestlyI can’t help but like the world I’m living in right now.
Crying happy tearsHappy crying tears.
I look around at everything that I’ve ever wantedAll my dreams and hopes for loveIt’s mineI got it.
I’m so grateful for my friendsAnd for my family tooStill, I get so depressedOver what I have been through.
I know down deepThere’s still so much more out there for meSo much more to wantSo much more to beIt’s depressingAnd it’s exciting.
So I’ll cry my happy tearsLet them fall downLet me drown in all the feelings I’ve been holding in for weeksIt’s the same old bitter sweet, same old melancholy.
Happy crying tearsHappy crying tears.
The jump
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Why is taking chances so hard?Because I want toBut I just can’tI shouldn’t even tryBut there’s not a single reason why.
I could just go for it and seeAnd forget the thoughts withinAll’s well that ends wellBut where would I begin?
I’ve got nothing to lose these daysYet I’m scared of the takeawayHow can I be satisfiedIf I can never even say that I tried?The Fantasy plays on a repeating trackBut something’s always holding me back.
I’ve had everything figured out this farExcept for taking the riskI shouldn’t even tryBut is that what I’ll regret before I die?
Everything in me wants to runI’d run straight to youInto your arms,If only I could let goFor once, I might drown the alarms.
I’ve got nothing to lose these daysYet I’m still scared of the takeawayHow could you be satisfiedIf I can never even say that I tried?Your Fantasy plays on a repeating trackBut something’s always holding me back.
Instead of jumping, I’ll run through all the memoriesEvery momentEvery word that was saidI’ll take them all and think of themAnd maybe thenI can finally say goodbye to awkward conversationsInstead I’ll drown in what could’ve been.
There’s nothing to lose these daysSo I can’t be scared of the takeawayHow can one be satisfiedIf they can never even say they tried?Though the Fantasy plays on a repeating trackThis timeThis timeThere can’t be something holding me back.
After allHow can one be satisfiedIf they can never say they tried?
Home
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Build me a house made of stoneWith vines growing up the sideSo as I’m yoursHold me closeI am yoursI am home.
How can I live without you?Am I supposed to live without you?I don’t knowI don’t know.
If the saying goes “my love, my life”How can you have your own goals, your own fight?I don’t knowI don’t know.
I said you’re my worldHe said you’re my home.
I am homeYou are home.
Light posts
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When I was younger, I would sit and draw light postsI admired how they stood there just to shineShining a light for people walkingPassing by.
Now that I’m older, I drive and see the streetlightsBut they’ve changed from how they were beforeThe streets aren’t orange anymore.
Only the bridge remains the same as it wasBut it won’t be long until it’s different tooThis town is changing without meWell I’m moving on tooAs I leave, it looks differentAs I look different too.
I’ll leave and never look backThough if I looked backAll I’d see are the white glowing street lightsHanging over me.
I’ll leave and never come backThough I want toIt’s not the same as I once knew.
These days I sit and try forgettingAbout the world, its cruel, cruel waysI push off the childhood memories that just won’t go away.
I’ve always kept that part of me privateWhy should I keep quietWhat I’ve been through?It’s such a shame what we go throughTo have to face the memories of our weakness to get throughWhat have I been through?
Wish I could leave and never look backYet when I look back all I’ll seeIs the black fog of regret hanging over me.
I’d leave and never come backBut when I look up and seeThe face that hurt me all those years ago, I can’t seem to breatheWhy’d you do this to me?Why’d you do this to me.
Growing up’s a snake when you’re forced to do it fastSo instead of running awayI’ll stay, I can last.
I leave and never look backWhen I look back all I seeAre street lights, and light postsShining over me.
I’ll leave and never come backI’ll never come backNever come backNever.
A song for a friend
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If you really missed me you would understand,That how you really treated meWas not how you should treat a friendI feel comfort in the fact that you know what you’re missingBut am I just supposed to drop everything I went throughTo forgive you?
I felt like your petThough he got more attentionAnd though you won’t careI thought it’d be worth it to mention,
You act as if everyone else mattersSo much more than meThat I really didn’t matter at allAt allAt all.
Every time I would try to talk to youYou wouldn’t even make eye contactYou’d switch the conversationMake some stupid excuseI don’t care if he’s your main act.
I’d convinced myselfIt’s not really your faultThat because you care too muchYou couldn’t possibly know.
But I’m grown and know nowYou needed someone to make you look tallWas it worth the light you sucked from my soul?
You act as if everyone else mattered but meThat I really don’t matter at allAt all.
As my fire was going outYou could never talk to meTell me before the end about whyWhy couldn’t you talk to me at allAt all?
Sometimes I think about the song I used to cry about you toHow could you dare make me feel so small?
A small get-together
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She wasn’t supposed to host the partyIt wasn’t hersAnd neither was he.
He played pong all night like it was her heartHe got there earlyHe didn’t have a clue.
He thought she could handle itShe thought she could handle it.
They’re all over each other againOn his lap, she’s laughingShe’d said that it ended.
Meanwhile, someone’s cryingHis life isn’t what he thought it’d beSo he confided.
He thought she could handle itShe thought he could handle it.
She couldn’t handle itThey couldn’t handle it.
The girl on the bedThe guy in the yardThe couples who didn’t want to be thereThe couples who really didn’t careWho was watching.
I know they didn’t mean it.
I know he didn’t mean it.
No one ever means itI guess.
The room
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I can be anythingSo why would I want to be back here?Where everything is simpleNothing makes a differenceEverything is simpleI want to go awayI want to go away.
How’d we get alone in this room?It’s nothing to youBecause nothing here is simple.
You say you hate this lifeYou can’t even look me in eyesWithout laughingBut why did I cry?Why did I cry?
You say you can’t decide if you’re who they sayOr if you are something else completely differentYou think I’ve got it all together?Nothing is together ever.
You say you can’t sell this life that you playThat’s it’s all a gameYou’re not okayIt’s differentYou need to get yourself togetherNothing is togetherBut nothing is forever.
It feels like it’s the endBut You and I both know and can seeThat This is the beginningIt’s really pretty simpleIt’s just the beginningYou wanna get away, you can’t quite get awayWhy won’t you go away?
I can’t be in this roomI just can’t look at youI can’t be in this room.
Don’t make me look at you.I can’t be in this roomI just can’t look at youI just can’t lookAnymore.
Edited by Savvy Sleevar | ssleevar@themaneater.comCopy edited by Mary Philip
