One day you are floating on monogamous bliss, and the next day you are sinking into bed with Ben & Jerry (the only faithful men you know). But before you let the inevitable sulking, sobbing and self-deprecation sink in, I challenge you — find someone new. Now.
Some might argue I’m a serial monogamist, but some might suggest I am a player of sorts. I would like to confess, I believe I am simply an aficionado of the in-between relationship.
These relationships, which most would refer to as rebounds, for me, are far from that. The term “rebound” suggests that one is trying to save that same game of your former flame, but this is just not the case. I am always trying to cut my losses, collect my pride and move on to the next big play.
Most people at this point would attribute serial monogamy (or the act of essentially always dating someone) to be negative, as if this denotes low self-esteem or a type of neediness. These assumptions just don’t fit into my life. I just love to love people and I love being in love. Where is the shame in that?
People often get wrapped up after the end of a relationship in pools of sadness, hurt and anger. What is often hard to see at the end of one relationship and into the lull of being single again, is that life truly does move on.
According to Stephanie Spielman and Geoff MacDonald from the University of Toronto in a 2009 article by “Psychology Today,” “focusing on new partners — real or potential — can help alleviate anxiously attached individuals’ difficulties of letting go of their emotional attachments to ex-partners.”
Life will move on even faster if you grasp that concept and turn off your lulling thoughts to concentrate on finding your in-between.
Get on the fast track to meeting someone new. This does not have to include landing a date or even scoring a phone number. It’s as simple as taking a break from your headphones on your walk to class and saying hi to a cute face that walks by. Sit next to someone unfamiliar in your lecture class and just strike up a conversation. These simple trials will help broaden your social circle and increase your chance of landing a first date.
According to the study, these budding relationships can provide “confidence in the availability of new sources of connection that anxious individuals need.” This means the sooner you find your in-between, the sooner you will forget what pained you and reap happiness in what once seemed like a bleak horizon. The best aspect of these stepping-stone and casual relationships is they aren’t the end-all be-all, so have fun with it. These relationships are, essentially, the roads that will lead you straight to your next serious love.
I urge you, get out of bed. Go now. Wipe your eyes and find your own in-between. You might just be surprised to find the momentary happiness of now can transcend into a future of more pleasure than you thought possible.