You had to do it, Big 12. You had to stay together. You had to hush the super-conference movement. And you had to kill the Twitter account of Fake Dan Beebe.
Just a week ago, everyone was sure the Big 12 was living out its final days. But like Appalachian State beating Michigan, the dream we thought was a joke created its own reality.
_This is college football. Surprise lives here._
It all started with the Sooners’ last stand. The only way Oklahoma would remain a member was if the league accepted its tailored addendum of forcing Texas to share its personal television revenue and sacking commissioner Dan Beebe. It happened.
_This is college football. Crazy lives here._
As amusing as the entire charade was, the Big 12’s reformation shined as a sign of life in a time of pure desolation. When push came to shove, the conference enacted damage control in asserting that Texas was the only member and that Dan Beebe’s tune had played its final chord.
It took the worst to bring out the best in the Big 12, but it might result in a league that can keep it together with some annual stability as it moves forward. Maybe.
The resolution wasn’t all fun and games. As conference members brought the Big 12 back to life, they wiped back tears in laying a true legend into the ground.
[Fake Dan Beebe]( http://twitter.com/#!/DanBeebe), the fake Twitter account for the ousted Big 12 commissioner, long lived as one of the most underrated fake accounts in the Twittersphere. When the real Beebe was sent packing, Fake Dan Beebe knew his days were also numbered and decided to go out with a bang.
He started with a warning call: “SO LISTEN UP, AND LISTEN WELL.”
_This is college football. Revolution lives here._
Fake Dan Beebe opened up firing range on the remaining Big 12 schools, dealing each all-caps tweets of pure vitriol. He swore to the fact that Bo Pelini has eaten a man, that Texas A&M fans couldn’t be trusted alone with house pets and that a nuke will soon set off over Texas’s stadium – or the very least a cloud of pure diarrhea.
Then, it just ended. Guns a-blazin’.
The entire saga followed a similar theme. If one can envision a wild west version of “The Weakest Link” with a soap opera feel, it would visually supplant the most realistic reenactment possible of the past week of Big 12 “oh shit”-ness.
_This is college football. Imagination lives here._
Texas A&M tried to skip out of the off-season shootout before Baylor started throwing bullets. From there, we all nervously waited to see who was next to fire off and gun it out of town.
We checked ESPN.com. We checked TheManeater.com. We checked Twitter. And, of course, we checked Fake Dan Beebe’s Twitter.
We updated them all constantly, frantic that Oklahoma would be next to fire off its guns and cackle into the western sunset. Then it struck a deal. Texas begrudgingly forfeited some of its prized muzzle-loaders. Missouri stored its away. And Fake Dan Beebe unloaded.
_This is college football. Drama lives here. Reform lives here. Good-bye lives here._
Fake Dan Beebe does not.
RIP.