Making the move (pun intended) from being a Maneater columnist to this position was, at first, a very daunting task. MOVE always struck me as the cool hipster cousin of the Maneater, and I, for one, am not much of a hipster. Now don’t get wrong, I love Zooey Deschanel, I own cardigans and Toms and wear them to Eastside, but I’m not a hipster. My love for cheesy ’90s one-hit wonders is completely unironic, and last summer I traveled to Indianapolis for the Glee tour. Of the Top 10 Albums of 2011 that MOVE voted on last year, I had only listened to one and hadn’t even heard of six of them. I had begun to panic: would I have to pretend to like all of these artists just to write my column? But the fear quickly turned into a feeling of excitement. I could truly be the oddball columnist now by continuing to write about my love for the entertainment of the masses.
I also decided to take this opportunity to declare what I am most wishing for in the world of pop culture in 2012.
Love it or hate it, here is my 2012 pop culture wish list.
1. For Britney Spears to release “How I Roll” as her next single.
– Since “Criminal” made little impact on the charts, her label would be smart to quickly release a new single from _Femme Fatale_. “How I Roll” is catchy, fun, bouncy and classic Britney. Rolling Stone chose this song as the top song of 2011, so there’s no reason it couldn’t be one of the hottest songs of 2012.
2. For “Desperate Housewives” to end with a bang.
– It used to be a major water-cooler show, now it seems that the only housewives people talk about now are on Bravo. Now on its final season, this campy soap has seen a great surge in quality, and I would love for a shocking series finale to return this show to its awards-darling glory.
3. For Bon Iver to write a song I understand
– I fully expect to be chased by a mob of angry hipsters after they read this revelation, but I can’t keep this quiet anymore: I do not like Bon Iver. The melodies strike me as sleepy and boring rather than emotional and sweeping, and Justin Vernon’s lyrics are usually unintelligible. This year, I’d like to hear a song of his that actually gets me to feel something that isn’t boredom.
4. To see more under-the-radar movies to become surprise hits.
– 2011 was the year of the underdog movie, and I’d like to see 2012 continue that trend. Movies like “Bridesmaids,” “Midnight in Paris” and “Crazy, Stupid, Love” were better than they had any right to be and surprised critics and audiences alike by being ultra successful. My predictions for “the little movies that could” of 2012 are “Friends with Kids,” a film festival hit featuring half the cast of “Bridesmaids;” “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World,” a multi-genre love story featuring the extremely odd romantic pairing of Steve Carell and Keira Knightley; and “Wettest Country,” the Prohibition Era drama starring up-and-comers Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska.
5. For Community to return to the NBC lineup
– Hopefully this wish gets the mob to not attack me. Community is one of the funniest, freshest and most original shows in recent memory and doesn’t deserve the treatment it has received from NBC. #sixseasonsandamovie
Well, this is the start of my attempt to introduce mainstream culture to the faithful readers of MOVE. Hopefully I didn’t offend any of you skinny jean-wearing, Fleet Foxes-worshipping and mass-produced-hating hipsters. And even if I did, I’m the one with the opinion column.
