While I have been blathering on and on about taking risks, just note one thing: sometimes fashion is wrong. Very wrong. I am all about celebrating your right to think outside of sweats, but there comes a time when — as not just a fashion obsessive, but as a student on this campus — I do NOT want to see anyone wearing some trends that were all over the spring runways. Last I checked, we are not Karlie Kloss or being photographed for editorials, so they really need to be left to “Vogue.” I present the hell no’s of spring and how to (maybe) salvage these trends for campus life. Buckle up kids, this is where fashion gets kinda ugly.
**Crop tops** — I will admit that I am a little bit upset that I even have to address this. I respect and admire designers and their visions. Really, I do. But why come out with a plethora of crop tops à la “Saved by the Bell” like Charlotte Ronson, Preen and Rebecca Minkoff did? The only people that can semi-pull off this look are size zero models, which the majority of us are not. Even these stick-thin models could not pull a crop top off for class (think about seeing the girl next to you in a crop top for finals, yikes) or casual life (even for a day of shopping, I would still feel pretty exposed), so the functionality of this trend is very low. I realize that as the humidity soars we will look for clothes to keep us cool, but this is just not the way to do it. Final verdict: Thanks for trying but leave it in the ’90s.
**Sheer** — Let me be blunt: I do not want to see your bra or underwear in class or during the day in general. If the sheerness avoids the chest or waist area (call me old-fashioned but I don’t want to see you half naked before I know your last name), then I give this the okay to try for day (read: day excluding class). It is a tricky trend to pull off, but it can be done. Look to Marc Jacobs, Celine and Jil Sander for examples of sheer skirt overlay, which is the easiest way to wear sheer for day. For night, sheer can take on a broader meaning for an outfit. Hints of bra are becoming more acceptable even for “classier clubs” (if those exist) and, contrary to popular belief, sheer does not mean slutty. I would leave the sheer skirts exposing underwear to the runway and just stick to tops that play with sheer panels in unexpected places for a night out. It is playful and fun, but make sure you have the confidence to pull it off. Final verdict: Take caution but have confidence, do try.
**Head-to-toe prints** — Cynthia Rowley, Derek Lam and J. Crew all hopped onto the all-or-nothing trend this spring and put their floral prints or graphic prints on cigarette pants or trousers and then paired the look with a top in the same print. In theory, this makes sense: I mean, dresses are essentially tops and bottoms and we wear those together in the same print all the time. Head-to-toe in practice though? Not so much. Wearing head-to-toe prints really make you look a little, well, odd. Love the prints like I do but want a functional look? Ditch the printed pants (they make everyone look wider) and stick to printed shorts, skirts or tops with pieces to balance you out. I am not saying not to play with different colors because you definitely should, just watch your prints. Final verdict: Split ’em up.
**Pajamas** — I will not spend long on this because I really hope just the word “pajamas” connotes sleep clothes and sleep clothes only. Even though the ever-playful Betsey Johnson and Luca Luca did not show your average PJs, they still should NOT be worn in public. You might remember Dolce & Gabbana trying this trend out three years ago. Jessica Alba actually wore it to a red carpet premiere later that year (Google it), but the trend never caught on and there is a reason for that. Final verdict: just don’t.