Ever the college town, Columbia boasts a variety of bars to meet the needs of its inhabitants from all walks of life — the presumed and self-proclaimed “No. 1 Missouri bar” being Harpo’s. But there are also hipster bars, frat bars and townie bars — each with its own unique culture and established norms. We all know where to go if we’re looking to discuss independent cinema over a $7 beer or where to go to appreciate cheap drink specials and saucy dress codes. But only one Columbia bar stands above them all. Only one can bring together every culture and subculture for a round, a pie and maybe a coin-operated arcade game. That bar is Shakespeare’s Pizza.
**Harpo’s**
On Thursday through Saturday nights, Harpo’s vibrates with dancing, schmoozing, flirting and liberal imbibing. It has its own established norms and expectations – the higher the heel, the closer to God, being one – and caters to all, but it draws the Greek crowd at a particularly high frequency. The drink of choice seems to be the two-buck Coors Light (its equivalent is the $2 Stag at Ragtag), which isn’t particularly palatable, but its minimal impact to the wallet enables one to down enough to have fun even in a perceived hostile environment. And if Coors Light isn’t your thing, there’s always Shakespeare’s.
Location: 29 S. Tenth St.
**Shakespeare’s — Winner**
Shakespeare’s is downtown Columbia’s great equalizer. In the eyes of Shakespeare’s bartenders, no gaggle of sorority sisters takes precedence over a group of famished hula-hoopers or bike polo champions and vice versa. With its cheap and non-pretentious drink menu (read: easy to pronounce and of usually recognizable origin), this bar has likely been at one time a default meeting ground for social groups of all stripes. In a typical night, expect to see a coming-of-age party centered around a birthday girl in a rhinestone tiara nursing a jug of water while mulling over a shot book and skinny-jeaned hipsters wearing neon-colored faux Wayfarers huddled over Stags. Should the party girls find themselves stumbling into Ragtag on a typical Thursday, expect to see some judgmental looks and hushed tones – the same thing that would await the fixed gear enthusiasts should they meander into Bengal’s or Campus Bar and Grill. But at Shakespeare’s? No such thing. You’d be surprised how easy it is to forgive culture-on-culture grudges and long-held resentment when dollar pints and a greasy cheeseboard are on the table (literally and figuratively).
Location: 225 S. Ninth St.
**Heidelberg**
A second quasi-equalizer exists in the Heidelberg. Not as intimidating to the non-Greek affiliated as Campus Bar and Grill or Harpo’s, Heidelberg is a uniter and not a divider with the help of a mix of craft brews, old standbys and its incredibly generous happy hour. Two fat- and sodium-laden appetizers for the price of one? Giant pretzels? Bacon and cheddar potato skins? Mile-high chicken nachos? Is this clear to you yet?
Location: 410 S. Ninth St.