There are some things that never change. For example, the 10 pounds I gain from eating Easter candy every year. Every year, I end up stuffing myself until I regret it, yet I always end up buying discount Easter candy the next day. I can’t help it. If there are two things I love in this world, it is egg-shaped chocolates and good deals.

However, this Easter was different from previous ones, because instead of having to put in the effort to read the Bible, I was able to just watch the History Channel’s miniseries, “The Bible.” Scratch what I said about egg-shaped chocolates and good deals being my favorite things. My real favorites are laziness and television.

I love everything about this show. From the fact that it’s a miniseries — because obviously there isn’t enough action in the Bible to warrant a full series — to the fact that it was created by Mark Burnett, the executive producer of “Survivor” and “The Apprentice.” I don’t know about you, but when I think about the Bible I definitely think about reality TV. And if you really enjoy the miniseries, then you can also pick up a book copy of the movie: “A Story of God and All of Us: A Novel Based on the Epic TV Miniseries ‘The Bible’,” which I’m sure is completely different from, you know, the actual Bible.

My favorite part about this miniseries, though, has to be the casting. For the soccer moms, they made Jesus a total super hunk, and for the right-wing conservatives, they made Satan oddly resemble Barack Obama. A match made in heaven.

This series has got me thinking though — and not just about how dreamy Jesus is. I figure that if Mark Burnett can make the Bible into a miniseries, why can’t I add some production value to parts of my life that need a little sprucing?

**Pretending to care about other people:** Acting as if I care about people besides myself would be a lot easier if I could use a little made-for-TV movie magic. If every homeless person had the abs, charm, musical ability and adorable sidekick that Aladdin had, poverty would no longer be a problem. It’s not that I don’t already care for those less fortunate than me. It’s just that I would care more if they were a Disney prince.

The same goes for my friends. I would be a lot more likely to listen to my friends complain about their daily trials and tribulations if they all looked a bit more like the cast of “Gossip Girl.” Or maybe I would care more if they had more interesting problems. Hearing about someone’s evil identical twin is a lot more interesting than listening to them talk about spilling coffee on their shirt . . . again.

**Sitting through my classes:** Every class has that kid who is constantly bragging about his quadruple majors. Since the only possible career that could require extensive knowledge in chemical engineering, journalism, geography and drama is a supervillain (ability to invent weapons of mass destruction, advertise them to the world, and know exactly where to place them all while perfecting your evil laugh), then why don’t we actually make him one? I would love adding some action to my early morning classes. There is already a struggle between professors piling on homework to students who are trying to keep up, so adding some completely over-the-top, unnecessary violence à la “Django Unchained” would make the work more bearable.

**Reality Check:** Real life cannot be easily divided into two-hour blocks of time complete with rising action, conflict and a resolution. This may make it seem like life is a little boring. But it’s also pretty great — post-Easter weight gain and all.