There are a lot of questions that keep me up at night. Like, when will I become a backup dancer for Beyoncé? Is it possible to power-walk without looking incredibly awkward? Can you be vegan without talking about it 24/7? Will T-Swift ever find love?
But there is one thing I have absolutely no doubts about: Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal. The disgust at everyone around him, the desire to be left alone and the knowledge that he is slightly better than everyone else all describe my personality perfectly.
I think my dislike of people began when I realized Christopher Columbus wasn’t an awesome dude who discovered America, but instead a horrible man who massacred millions of people. Really, the only good the man did was give us a day off of school.
My cynicism just gets worse as I get older. Every time I see someone wearing shorts in 20-degree weather or see a man sagging his pants, I become more and more like a Clint Eastwood character.
So, at the risk of sounding like Drunk Uncle from “Saturday Night Live,” here is why I think people are the worst:
**We don’t care about anything:** Forget universal health care. The rally call of our generation is “Give me free universal Wi-Fi or give me death.” If an issue doesn’t personally affect us, we’re simply not going to care. When Congress shot down gun control regulations that 90 percent of Americans wanted, we didn’t fight back or protest. We rolled our eyes and kept looking at shirtless pictures of Ryan Gosling. Well, at least that’s what I did. But I’m sure I was joined by some middle-aged moms.
The one thing we do really care about, besides the characters on our favorite TV show, is our own appearance. As long as we look like cool, hip people who listen to the proper music and wear the proper clothes, we are set. And for all the things that we enjoy but know aren’t “cool,” we can just argue that we are being ironic. So, we don’t have to completely eliminate One Direction from our lives — we just have to pretend our obsession is a joke.
**We’re lazy:** Today’s version of activism has become liking a picture on Facebook or retweeting a video link. But, hey, people should appreciate that we are at least putting in the effort to change our profile picture to show support. Don’t those children without clean drinking water realize we have lots of our own personal problems? There are more important things, like watching Netflix and ordering delivery food, that we have to take care of. In the words of the great Martin Luther King Jr., I have a dream that one day we will be able to eat pizza, socialize with friends, go to the bathroom and make a living for ourselves, all without having to put on pants or go outside. Wait, is that what he said? I’m honestly way too lazy to Google it.
**Reality Check:** The argument that our generation is lazy and ruining the world gets thrown around way more than I’d like. The reality is that when I look around at our world, I am blown away by how incredibly awesome people are. The Boston Marathon runners who immediately ran to the hospital to donate blood, the volunteer firefighters who helped save lives in the Texas factory explosion, and even the students and faculty at MU who work tirelessly to help others all prove to me there is still plenty of good in this world. Sure, there will always be a few duds, but I am confident the good people outweigh the bad. So, forget Grumpy Cat. I’d like to be inspired by all the heroes who selflessly work to help others.