Well it’s been fun, kids. Writing a column for MOVE has been an absolute dream, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried (actually, no) and I’ve seen some really terrific, practically life-changing movies. I’ve had a ball.
But, unfortunately, there seems to be a universal law that says for every truly great film, there must be three crappy movies to balance it out. So without further ado, here are the best and worst movies I’ve seen during my time as a movie reviewer. They are split into fun categories because I am a fun person, dammit.
**Movies Overall**
_Best:_ “Electrick Children” — I physically cannot keep myself from talking about this movie. It was so enchanting and well-written and the acting was crazy good. The premise is sort of ridiculous: Mormon girl gets pregnant, believes the father is the voice on a cassette tape and runs away to Las Vegas. Then a coming-of-age character arc ensues. But it has already rocketed to the top of my movie recommendation list. If I can get one person to watch “Electrick Children,” this will all have been worth it. I don’t even really know what “this” is, but it sounds dramatic. Just go with it.
_Worst:_ “Side Effects” — I still get angry when I think about the time I wasted watching “Side Effects.” It was far-fetched, poorly paced and high on its own drama. And for the love of God, can Channing Tatum please stop trying to be a dramatic actor? It’s not working for me.
**Movies Set in Fantastical Worlds**
_Best:_ “ParaNorman” — I did not expect to like this movie so much. I was pretty indifferent and a little skeptical at the start, but midway through the movie, it dawned on me that I was completely enraptured. It charmed the socks right off of me. It was also an incredible feat of animation, and it’s on Netflix now. So just go watch it. Please.
_Worst:_ “Sucker Punch” — Oh boy, I don’t even know why I watched this. It was not geared toward me, seeing as I put actual stock in characterization and dialogue and, you know, a discernible plot. “Sucker Punch” failed on quite possibly every level. Well, maybe not the scantily-clad-women-with-machine-guns-fighting-dragons level. It had plenty of that.
**Movies with Ridiculous Titles**
_Best:_ “Safety Not Guaranteed” — Who would have thought that a movie based on a classified ad for a time-traveling partner would be so good? It had wit and heart, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Also, Aubrey Plaza is a surprisingly terrific actress for someone who is quite possibly a robot.
_Worst:_ “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” — I really didn’t mind the book, but the movie adaptation very nearly bored me to death. It was plodding and pretentious, and I hate myself for saying this, but Emma Watson was horribly miscast. Plus, Julia Garner, the star of “Electrick Children,” was part of the cast and was given a grand total of ZERO LINES. You don’t just waste talent like that, people.
**Movies Released in 2013**
_Best:_ “Oblivion” — I think I rated this movie 3.5 out of 5 stars, so it’s kind of pathetic that “Oblivion” is my pick for best release of the year. But the early months are slow for the box office, and “Oblivion” was sleek and well acted and moderately entertaining. Plus, the score was incredible, as were the visual effects. So whatever, I’m picking it. “Warm Bodies” is a close second.
_Worst:_ “Dead Man Down” — Wasting $7 on this mess of a movie is one of my greatest regrets of the semester. I’m kidding, but not really. “Dead Man Down” dragged on for what seemed like hours, and it was hard to follow, not because it was complicated, but because it was so far-fetched and disjointed. I’m having trouble remembering the finer plot points because I must have blocked out the entire experience.
There you have it. I’ve seen an inordinate number of movies this year and some of them have been really quite good. And for those not-so-good films, well… attempting to write scathing reviews was certainly a unique kind of fun. Thanks for reading. I’ll see you all at the midnight premiere of “The Great Gatsby.”
