Do you believe in “love at first sight”?
I don’t, at least not entirely. I wouldn’t necessarily call it “love.” Love is a big deal. But recently, I got a taste of what I imagine “love at first sight” is like. That said, this was much more of a “holy cow, everything about you is what I’m looking for in a guy” first interaction type thing. You know?
Now I won’t go into detail because that could end up being embarrassing for me (pshhh, as if I get embarrassed), especially on the extremely off chance they read this. But seriously, within seconds of meeting this person, I created the idea that we would be great together. I get flustered just thinking about him. How creepy am I? I barely know the guy!
Does that happen to anyone else? Do people ever just walk into a room and immediately decide they want to get to know someone more? What is it that draws us to complete strangers? What makes someone your “type?”
I know a huge part of having a type revolves around physical features of a person, and regardless of how many times we say how superficial that is, we’re still attracted to appearances. We’re only human. But I wanted to get more than my own input on this, so I resorted to the almighty Facebook to poll friends and peers.
I asked two questions: 1) Do you believe in love at first sight? and 2) What characteristics do you find attractive in significant others? I got a much greater response that I’d imagined. Apparently this is a popular topic.
What I discovered was that the general consensus on “love at first sight” is it doesn’t exist, but “attraction at first sight” does. I can attest to that, for sure. We don’t usually fall in love with someone based on a good hair day and bone structure. That’s lust, which is an entirely different topic.
However, what surprised me most about my poll were the responses to the second question. When I asked what characteristics people thought were attractive, I’d been expecting physical characteristics, such as eyes, smiles and calves. (Those are mine. I’m not sure why calves are attractive, but seriously. They are.)
What I got instead were a multitude of personality traits. Only a few of the 23 responders even mentioned looks, one being my aunt (who doesn’t count) and another having a thing for “nice/strong eyebrows.” Ambition, intelligence, humor, confidence, awareness, wit and kindness were just a small portion of the many characteristics named by both girls and guys. The characteristics given had more to do with personality and actual character.
Wait. You mean we care more about the person than their looks? I was awed. Finally. Now we are getting somewhere.
It was a revelation. I, as a female college student, have always been painstakingly self-conscious about my appearance (as most would corroborate), so it was refreshing to hear that humans are looking for more in a significant other than a low BMI and big boobs. It’s empowering. This poll did more for me than I’d imagined. It gave me a boost of confidence. It made me want to be brave.
A friend was telling me an inspiring story the other day in which she finally built up the courage to confront her “crush at first conversation” (i.e., make small talk about a mutual student), and it ended up requiring an exchange of phone numbers. With shaking hands and flushed cheeks, she typed in the digits that gave her direct connection to this wonderful boy (man, whatever). It was so simple. She was brave.
I’ve struggled with appearance for so long. I’ve feared that I’ve lost many an opportunity at a relationship due to the whole “attraction at first sight” policy, but it turns out that few to none even acknowledge appearance when assessing a possible significant other.
So to the question of love at first sight, it’s nearly impossible to prove its existence. As people, we’re seeking more than good looks. You have to experience someone’s personality, learn his or her faults, meet their family, and so on.
We love not based on appearance. We love based on who you are as a person.