I think it’s about time we talk about breakups.
Now as we all know (at least you should by now), I don’t have a lot of relationship experience. I’ve really only been in one “relationship.” I was in the ninth grade, and I dated a junior for three months. Not much of a track record. But even we had to go through a breakup.
It was me. I ended the “relationship.” To make it even better, I broke up with this guy on February 15. Why? I don’t know. I panicked. He had given me a bracelet for Valentine’s Day (probably picked out by his mom), but things got way too real for 14-year-old Ellise. Here’s the real kicker: I did it via text message.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I was one of _those_ people. I was too big of a baby to tell him in person. Scoff.
I guess it all worked out in the end. We’re friends again. He even Facebook messaged me after my column about our super awkward first kiss to tell me it was funny.
Nevertheless, I still felt like a bad human for being responsible for the pathetic end to our teenybopper relationship. So to get over that, I once again reached out to the Facebook community to hear their own break-up stories. I spend so much time talking about my non-existent love life that I thought I’d take this opportunity to share some of their great/awful break-up stories.
The following names have been changed for kicks and giggles.
Charlotte: Charlotte has overcome a saga of break-ups with the same guy, but finally moved on to a new man. Things were great; so great, in fact, that he expected her to give up her life aspirations and commit to him and his lifestyle. Unfortunately, Charlotte was blinded by love and couldn’t see that he was a “self-righteous psycho.” Luckily, the whole thing exploded when he became a stage-five clinger and she ended it all via text. She has since found herself again and is on the prowl.
Angelique: Angelique shared with me an extremely tragic tale. The boy she had been dating had proposed to her after only a few months of dating. With such a huge commitment, Angelique told him she would think about. After two days, she received a text (I sense a pattern) from her suitor stating that he had been cheating on her the whole time. This piece of poop had proposed! _Who does that?!_ Props to Angelique for being so strong and awesome.
Roger: I pity Roger. His story is my story. However, his is from the opposing perspective. He had given his freshman girlfriend a Christmas present before he left for winter break. Later that night, he received a text message breaking not only the relationship, but also a sensitive boy’s heart. Good news is that he is now over it and willing to laugh about the situation.
Brenda: Oh, Brenda. Brenda was a vengeful one. After being led on her entire senior year, her love interest finally committed with just a few short months before they were to be separated by college. However, he soon began to show signs of flakiness. This upset Brenda and they split shortly after. But this boy had it coming. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is mean to sweet Brenda. With friends at her side, she saran wrapped his car and covered it with (unused) maxi pads. _Don’t mess with Brenda._ (They’re actually friends now and Snapchat occasionally.)
Magenta: Never road trip with swain on the rocks is the lesson dearest Magenta taught me. Her long-term relationship ended on day three of an 11-day road trip. They kept going. _Awkward._
Regrettably, these are just a few of the many stories shared with me. I wish I had more space to share them all, but that kind of room doesn’t exist. Breakups happen every day and most people go through them. It’s rough, but remember that those around you can empathize. And if that doesn’t make you feel better, run to the store, grab a huge tub of ice cream, read a good book and forget all about that lame-o from your past.
