Dear virgins,
This is a letter that I wish I could send to my 19-year-old self, when I was a blushing, blustering baby sophomore. It was fall, monogamy and sexual frustration were in the air, and I was in a position to contemplate, for the first time, the possibility of having sex.
As eager as I was to hurry up, take my clothes off and get it over with, a generous helping of Protestant youth group guilt and a bad habit of picturing my mother’s outraged face kept shutting things down. So I stalled. And I soul-searched. And I read enough articles on Planned Parenthood’s website that still affect my Facebook ads today. Then, I did it.
The next morning, I expected to wake up and see the world anew through a sex-colored lens. Instead, I took a shower, watched some “Gilmore Girls” and ate frozen pizza for breakfast. Losing my virginity reminded me of standing next to my parents’ living room wall and measuring myself with a pencil, then stepping away and dispassionately noting some personal growth, then carrying on with life. I assure you, campus fountains did not coordinate a light show in sync with my steps as I walked around the next day.
Dear virgins, I’m not saying your first time will be exactly like mine. (I mean, you might be more of post-sex cigarette persuasion than of the frozen DiGiorno’s kind of person.) But if you’re freaking out the way I did before Doing The Sex, let me give you a hug and tell you: don’t. Don’t freak out.
Above all else, you should know that the average American may lose the V-card at age 17, but people like you (and me!) are not an anomaly. A 2011 study from the [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics](http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/218126.php) reports that at least 27 percent of males between the ages of 15 and 24 have never had any form of sexual contact. For women in that age category, 29 percent had never had sex. Just for comparison’s sake, [we elected John Quincy Adams with only 30.5 percent of the popular vote](http://www.toptenz.net/10-presidents-who-won-with-less-than-50-of-the-vote.php)
So, dear virgins, in addition to that fact, here are some things to keep in mind should you one day decide to not be one:
**Prepare the pill and protection.**
If you’re a female, you should look into birth control options way before the possibility of sex even comes up. The pill usually takes at least a full week to give you protection, and if you’re considering something like an IUD, you need to do some research and schedule time for the procedure. And, in general, unlike a Turkey Tom from Jimmy John’s, you can’t call in for freaky fast delivery of condoms when you feel like it. Whatever your gender, you should stock up on condoms (and while you’re in the aisle, lube couldn’t hurt, either).
**Ponder the partner.**
My first time was with my first significant other, who I cared a lot about and trusted completely. Those were the only conditions in which I felt comfortable enough to have sex, but they are not the universal requirements for your first time. You don’t need to be “Facebook offish,” you don’t need to be dating, you don’t need to be planning your marriage to each other. The important thing is that your partner is someone you trust.
You should be able to tell that person that it will be your first time. If you change your mind at the last minute and decide to not go through with things, this person has got to be perfectly fine with that. You should be able to have a serious conversation about condoms and getting screened for diseases. You should never feel pressure, shame or fear in relation to this person.
Most importantly, you should be able to have fun with this person. Losing your virginity is a BFD, but in reality, it’s about sex. And sex is nothing if it isn’t fun.
_Love,
Edna_