Following another classic loss Sunday — my St. Louis Rams lost to the Arizona Cardinals, 31-14 — I felt it was time to publish this column. There are so many things that could go on this list. Things like “Keith Null was our quarterback at one point,” “we signed Al Harris when he was 36,” “we drafted Donnie Avery ahead of Desean Jackson” and “we lost a must-win game to Charlie Whitehurst.” Unfortunately I don’t have the emotional capacity to list more than 10 of the worst things about being a fan of the St. Louis Rams.
**1. We won a Super Bowl.**
Whereas a Jacksonville Jaguars fan is used to constant unwatchable football, shortly after the Rams arrived in St. Louis, they won a Super Bowl. It was amazing and one of the best days of my life. But it set an unrealistic expectation for the organization moving forward. We’ve tasted winning. We know that feeling. Sadly, I fear my palate will never have another chance to savor a _playoff_ victory, much less a Super Bowl win.
**2. The owner doesn’t care.**
I really don’t know what else to say about this. “Silent” Stan Kroenke simply doesn’t care. He owns multiple professional sports teams as well as plenty of other businesses. He is a busy man. But good God almighty, man, you _have_ to address the looming move to Los Angeles. Say something, anything! But no instead we just have to torture ourselves thinking about what Stan plans to do with the 60 acres of land he bought in L.A.
**3. The Edward Jones Dome has red seats.**
The Rams’ colors are blue, white and yellow. The seats in their stadium are red.
**4. The Rams still don’t have a successor for Kurt Warner.**
Warner was the literal embodiment of what it means to be “God’s gift.” Bringing a Super Bowl to St. Louis is the greatest accomplishment in the history of the city that doesn’t have to do with Anheuser-Busch. Kurt hasn’t taken a snap for the Rams since 2003. In that time period, 14 other “quarterbacks” have.
**5. We watched Craig Dahl play safety for three seasons.**
YouTube the [Rams-Vikings game from two years ago](http://www.vikings.com/media-vault/videos/Full-Peterson-Highlights-vs-Rams/c4cf0af2-d605-45c0-8b1b-9dd37abac824) and watch the terrible, terrible things Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson did to him.
**6. We end every season in Seattle.**
It is a guaranteed loss at the end of our schedule. We seriously have to play a 15-game schedule with one loss to be tacked on at the end of those 15 games. It’s supposed to be a rotating schedule, yet for the fourth season in a row, our last game is in that hellhole.
**7. Brian Schottenheimer is our offensive coordinator.**
We hired the guy who was quarterback Mark Sanchez’s offensive coordinator in New York for the same role in St. Louis. What in the hell was the thought process there? Prior to Sunday’s game, Tavon Austin, the Rams receiver who was the No. 8 overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, had more carries than receptions. Tavon is 5-feet-8-inches, 174 pounds. The majority of those carries have been between the tackles. There are _plenty_ of other examples of Schottenheimer being an idiot, but this is the one that gets me the most heated.
**8. The Ram lose games in the most depressing ways.**
For example, giving up 21 unanswered points in the fourth quarter against Arizona, 14 of them coming from a pick six and a scoop and score. Or blowing a 21-point lead like we did against the Dallas Cowboys. Or dropping a pass on fourth down when down by six with three minutes to go, like receiver Austin Pettis did against the Philadelphia Eagles. Sigh.
**9. The Rams’ best player is usually the punter.**
Seriously. Things have changed now with the emergence of defensive end Robert Quinn, but from Donnie Jones to Johnny Hekker (who is without question the best punter in the league and is also The Man), over the last decade St. Louis’ best player has generally been its punter.
**10. They’re moving.**
Shit.