There are few situations where I use the word “hate” to describe my feelings about someone or something. It’s a strong word with a lot of emotional weight behind and I do not use it lightly. As they say, “I’m a lover, not a hater.”

That said, 8 a.m. classes, paying cover and eating healthy are examples of things that I absolutely hate. I also hate the Seattle Seahawks. Passionately. With every ounce of my new and improved 225-pound body.

Marshawn is not funny, Russell is overrated and Pete Carroll is still the biggest asshole in all of football. But I’m not writing this column to express my hatred for that football team. I did that last year after they won the Super Bowl.

I’m writing this column to express my disbelief that the Green Bay Packers (a team that I’m an owner of by the way) were able to pull off that loss.

I mean, good Lord. They legitimately tried and succeeded in losing the NFC Championship to the Seahawks. I was more confused than upset. I watched the game with a bunch of friends at Harpo’s and they were laughing at my antics, as I screamed and hit inanimate objects with every Packers miscue. That is how I watch sports. That is why I watch games alone.

I saw the Packers start the game by kicking a field goal on fourth down. I was OK with this. They had moved down the field relatively easily and points are a premium against the Seahawks. But to kick an 18-yard field goal just three minutes later?! Mike McCarthy, what in the hell was the thought process there? You know what kicking as many field goals as possible gets? A 6-10 record and nicknames for your kicker (I’m referencing the Rams). In short, it doesn’t get you an NFC Championship.

That game should’ve been 17-0 after one quarter. A three-score lead. A blowout.
As much as the Packers were trying to lose the game, the Seahawks were trying just as hard to not win.

Russell Wilson threw four interceptions. FOUR! I haven’t seen that many interceptions in a game since my glory days as a defensive guard (we literally ran a 6-3 front) for the Kirkwood Cowboys. The Seahawks had to run a fake field goal to even have a _chance_ at winning that game.
With 2:09 left in the game, the Packers were up five, having refused to finish off the Seahawks for the first 57 minutes and and 51 seconds. To secure victory, all they had to do was recover an onside kick. But no. Brandon Bostick, a Packers tight end, had the kick go through his hands, hit him squarely in his facemask and fall to the ground, where the Seahawks’ Chris Matthews promptly recovered it.

As upset as I was, the Seahawks only had two minutes to score a touchdown. Surely the Packers could hold them off for 120 more seconds! But no. Forty-four seconds later, Marshawn Lynch walked into the end zone, giving the Seahawks the lead. While the Packers were able to send it to overtime, as soon the Seahawks won the toss, you knew they had won the game as well.

So now I have the team that ruined my childhood fandom playing the team that ruined my teenage fandom. Sigh.

At least I have Rob Gronkowski.