Nobody likes rejection. It’s like having the word “ugly” or “unworthy” plastered onto your forehead. It can diminish any sense of self-confidence you have. Point blank, rejection sucks. And it’s exactly what you feel when going through a breakup.

It’d be easy if there was one universal thing everyone could do to get over their ex. I’ve heard pieces of advice before, telling people to “find someone else,” “look for a new hobby” or even just “hang out with your friends.” I’m not here to say any of things don’t help, because they definitely do.

The real battle people face with breakups is time. Time is literally the only thing that can heal a breakup. Years down the road, you’re not going to be crying about the fight you had that ended it all or the thought of how you won’t have that person there.

But for the time being, you are going to cry about it. And that’s okay. The main reason there can’t be an instruction manual on how to handle yourself during this breakup period is because every person is different — different things work for different people.

It’s also important to note that both sides are usually hurt after a relationship is ended, no matter who initiated it. Even if the other side seems to be moving quickly, usually that’s just what you see on the outside. One of my friends finally came to the realization that her relationship wasn’t all that it once was and broke up with her boyfriend. That isn’t to say she wasn’t hurt.

The way she coped with her breakup was talking to people. I remember her texting me asking if I thought she made the right decision. She needed reassurance and felt better when she got it. Also, she focused her energy on the relationships she already had with her friends instead of thinking too much about the relationship that had just ended.

This method, however, did not work with one of my other friends. She struggled for a long time with a long-distance relationship until finally breaking it off. She coped with it by meeting someone new, and now she’s happy in a new relationship.

I think the hardest part of breaking up is the way it changes your life. You could be in a relationship for three years, and all of a sudden, it ends in one day. The way you lived your life for those three years is different than how you will from that day forward. You no longer have the person that was most important to you in your life.

To cope with this, many people “break up” but nothing really changes. They’re still talking every day, and they still casually say “I love you” to one another. This does the opposite of helping you get over them. All it does is make you want them back. This is why it’s so important to withdraw. Cut that person out of your life. Then let time take its course.

When you are at a weak point and feel like you want to cave and go back to your ex, the best thing to remember is that it won’t last forever. There are different things you can do to ease the pain of a breakup, but the only thing that will ever get you over someone is time.