Everyone says the holiday season is the time for “love” and “generosity.” Bullshit. This time of year is _actually_ the perfect opportunity to get back at people you pretend to like, but truly hate. Here is a selection of great passive-aggressive gifts for…

**For the roommate whose dirty laundry has been piling up for months:**
-Tide Pods Laundry Detergent. (Target, from $5)

**For the person who thinks they’re above using deodorant: **
-Deodorant. They’re not. (any store, $4)

**For the person who comes back to the residence hall drunk at 1:30 a.m. on a Tuesday screaming “Viva la toga!”:**
– “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,” a book by Alcoholics Anonymous. ([Amazon,](http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Steps-Traditions-Alcoholics-Anonymous/dp/0916856011/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_8?ie=UTF8&refRID=1NSQH4SXFMPTWVXF2GR3) from $12)

**For the person who hasn’t quite mastered the art of sock rotation:**
– Dr. Scholl’s Odor-X Foot Powder. (Target, $5)

**For the obnoxiously self-assured conservative:**
– “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right,” a book by Al Franken. ([Amazon,](http://www.amazon.com/Lies-Lying-Liars-Tell-Them/dp/0452285216/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=1NSQH4SXFMPTWVXF2GR3) from $4 used)

**For the obnoxiously self-assured liberal:**
– “If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans,” a book by Ann Coulter. ([Amazon,](http://www.amazon.com/Democrats-Had-Brains-Theyd-Republicans/dp/0307408957/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=1NSQH4SXFMPTWVXF2GR3) from $4 used)

**For the person constantly bragging about their refined music tastes:**
– An iPod Shuffle loaded with Nickelback’s entire discography. Combined, Nickelback’s 91 total songs clock in at just under six hours. This one requires a bit of work on your part, but the look on their face … Make sure to have your camera ready, because this gift will have you saying, “Look at this photograph; every time I do it makes me laugh.” (iTunes, $50 or less for iPod, music prices vary)

**For the person who spent their whole weekend in bed watching Netflix:**
– The [“Men’s Health”](http://www.amazon.com/The-Mens-Health-Book-Exercises/dp/1605295507/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1NSQH4SXFMPTWVXF2GR3) & [“Women’s Health”](http://www.amazon.com/The-Womens-Health-Book-Exercises/dp/1605295493/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=1NSQH4SXFMPTWVXF2GR3) Big Book of Exercises. (Amazon, from $7 each used)

**For the most extreme embodiment of the “white girl” stereotype:**
– A $2 gift card to Starbucks. Since Starbucks has a $5 gift card minimum, you may have to buy yourself something yourself, but with $2 left, your recipient will be able to buy exactly … nothing. (Starbucks, $5)

**For the roommate, after they sexile you:**
– The Giant 3-D Cock Sucker. It’s actually just a rooster-shaped lollipop, but the name is really bangin’. ([ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com,](https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/product/Giant-3-D-Cock-Sucker-40) $10)

**For your literal least favorite person:**
– Quicken WillMaker Plus software. Your recipient can “create a will in minutes” and even “save on legal fees.” Can you feel the holiday joy? ([Amazon,](http://www.amazon.com/Quicken-Willmaker-Plus-2016-Edition/dp/141332200X/ref=pd_rhf_eeolp_p_img_10?ie=UTF8&refRID=1EJSF4WHXBEADN1H8Y78) $30)