On the night of Feb. 3, students lined up outside The Blue Note for a stop on the national Anti-Valentine’s Day tour sponsored by Slacker University: Shred Your Ex, Find Your Next. Slacker University organizes parties and raves in college town venues across the U.S.

The night featured dancing, drinking and the opportunity to tear up photos of ex-friends and lovers before Valentine’s Day. The doors opened at 8 p.m. and the DJ kicked off the dance party an hour later.  

A space designated for partying is a strange place to be when the party hasn’t started yet. The DJ did a soundcheck for the near-empty room and the security and bartenders joked around to pass the time until the doors opened. 

When 8 p.m. came, the room filled fast. The first group to enter ran onto the dance floor –  whooping – despite the fact that the music hadn’t technically started. 

“I’m gonna get drunk!” one girl exclaimed gleefully. 

The DJ opened the night with DJ Khaled’s and Rihanna’s “Wild Thoughts” and continued with a raucous selection of party tracks from the 2010s. The choice to play older music instead of recent pop hits added an element of nostalgia to the night that was soothing. Hits popularized when most college students were in middle school was a reminder of a simpler time, pre-heartbreak.  

Dancers screamed the lyrics in their friends’ faces and most people had phones in their hands, chronicling the night on Snapchat. Those on the dance floor formed a mob of excitement, and jumping up and down was more common than actual dancing. 

“This is my first time in the Midwest,” the DJ yelled into his microphone. “I didn’t know y’all got down like that!”

Those who weren’t dancing mingled by the bar or hung out on the couches on the second level. The first group I talked to was made up of four giggly people, two of whom were dating. They yelled over one another, excited to share their stories.

“I think it’s like a closure thing,” one said.

“I just broke up with my ex like a month ago,” another added.

“Ripping and just shredding your ex is such a fun concept and then you can party after it,” they said.

As creative and fun as the concept was, it was the willingness of the attendees to be vulnerable that made the night. 

Quite a few attendees were extremely willing to spill information on their exes. I approached a trio sitting at a table with pictures of their exes, and one of the girls unfolded her picture and showed it to me.

“I thought he looked dumb in it,” she said. “We’re still in contact so we’re still processing. How many times am I going to let him do me dirty?”

Her friend butted in to answer the question.

“I tell her every time, don’t do it, but she does it anyway!” she yelled. “He’s so stupid for treating her so badly.”

It can be hard to admit that you allowed someone to treat you badly. Many of the people in attendance were relearning how to value themselves, in and out of relationships. I appreciated the commitment to growth. Going out and trying to have fun takes courage, especially after having your heart broken. 

One such individual lingered on the edge of the dance floor with a friend. I asked why they came.

“My friend texted, she said, ‘be hot, we’re going on an adventure,’ so that’s why I’m here,” one of them said. “I do have an ex that does come here regularly but I’m hoping she doesn’t show up. I’m gonna go in the bathroom and … cry if I see her.” 

Not everyone was there post-breakup, however. There were plenty of supportive friends, people unmistakably trying to find their next fling and even a handful of couples. 

One couple overlooked the dance floor from the balcony. 

“We’re actually together,” they said, when I asked if they were shredding exes. “[It’s] kind of awkward, not gonna lie.” 

Below us was a mass of college students, jumping up and down and screaming song lyrics, egged on by the enthusiastic DJ. Lights flashed, illuminating clouds of vape smoke. 

I came to the conclusion that an anti-Valentine’s Day rave is the most refreshingly honest of the modern mating rituals we take part in. Why go to a rave pretending like you’re not a little bit sad? Why not admit that you’re hoping someone new will notice you? Bring your ex from the back of your mind out into the open and shred their picture if you have to. 

Edited by Egan Ward | eward@themaneater.com

Copy edited by Kyla Pehr, Mary Philip and Lauren Courtney