Although I had a fantastic weekend, there’s one thing I’m pissed about: I didn’t have any time to see “Paranormal Activity 3.” As a self-proclaimed horror buff, I have a hard time admitting that. Good horror films are like gold to me — rare and treasured. Notice how I said “good” horror films. I had no intention of ever seeing “The Thing,” “Dream House,” “Apollo 18” or countless other crappy horror films that premiered this year.
In fact, before this weekend, the only worthy scary movies of 2011 were both released in April: “Insidious” and “Scream 4.” Seriously, “Scream 4” was completely underrated when it hit theaters, so check it out on DVD. It’s the best of the series since the original.
Only other horror buffs will understand my passion and excitement for the genre. Some people just don’t understand that being terrified is one of the ultimate forms of entertainment and pure fun. There’s nothing like seeing a terrifying movie in a packed theater. Like laughter and hiccups, screams can be contagious. Spilling all your popcorn after you jump two feet in the air or accidentally squeezing the stranger’s hand next to you is all part of the experience.
My favorite scary movies are predominantly gore-free. Most directors these days don’t understand that the unseen can be infinitely scarier than showing gallons of blood. Not to say that a bloody slasher flick can’t be great, but the greatest horror movies slowly build tension and rely on suspense rather than torture.
I’m talking about classics like “Rosemary’s Baby,” “Halloween,” “Alien” and “The Shining.” These films require patience and demand your full attention. That’s why it sickens me that most of what passes as horror today is nothing more than half-naked bimbos getting each of their limbs torn apart.
The first “Saw” film was excellent. There was a sense of mystery and the gore was left for the grand finale. But the sequels that followed were little more than “Law and Order: Tortured Victims Unit.” There’s no fun in the genre of torture-porn. Alfred Hitchcock would be rolling in his grave if he weren’t cremated.
Thankfully, that trend seems to be dying. But on the flip side, the amount of horror films released in theaters seems to be on the decline. None are being released until January 2012, and even those seem to be average, at best.
All of the recent scary movies are direct-to-DVD and Netflix gems like “Bloodlust Zombies” starring Alexis Texas, “BreadCrumbs,” a take on “Hansel and Gretel” about an adult film crew lost in the woods and “Die-ner (Get It?)” which pretty much explains itself.
Movies so bad they’re good can be awesome, but I want to watch a horror movie that is so good it’s great. “Insidious” was a gem and should be spoken of in the same breath as “Poltergeist” and “The Exorcist,” but a fantastic modern horror film is all too rare.
Hopefully, when I get around to seeing it, “Paranormal Activity 3” will impress me and leave me with many sleepless nights.
