Offensive profanity and vulgarity galore.

The lights come up and a half-naked Nick Offerman darts to center stage, pauses and then darts across the rest of the stage to disappear. Then, after a couple seconds, he crawled out from under the curtain at center stage. He steps to the mic, “Minor nudity was advertised, minor nudity was achieved.”

Offerman’s performance at Jesse Auditorium last Wednesday night seemed to go the same way — vulgar humor that had part of the audience in constant laughter and the other part sitting in disbelief, with some even getting up to leave. The show combined simple jokes that had everyone chuckling, hilarious songs written and performed by Offerman himself and also offensive pokes at religion throughout his show.

Offerman came prepared with what he believes to be 10 Tips for a Prosperous Life and presented each with a joke, anecdote or even a song.

1. “Engage in romantic love.”
2. “Please and thank you.”
3. “Carry a handkerchief.”
4. “Eat red meat.”
5. “Get a hobby.”
6. “Go outside.”
7. “Avoid mirrors.”
8. “Maintain a relationship with Jesus Christ, as long as it’s getting you sex.”
9. “Use intoxicants.”
10. “Paddle your own canoe.”

Offerman wrote these tips when United Talent Agency told him that they could get him speaking engagements at college campuses, where he could put on a show for students.

“I’m flirting with doing a book deal right now,” Offerman said. “And so there’s always a lot of, even around Ron Swanson, there’s always a lot of rules, like the Pyramid of Greatness. I just naturally took that structure when I thought ‘What do I want to tell the students?’ I thought I want to give them tips and some of them have little anecdotes to go with them.”

After he presented his 10 tips, Offerman took questions from the audience. Questions ranged from tips on how to support yourself through acting to whether he’s tried some famous Kansas City BBQ to one man asking if Offerman would give his number to Aubrey Plaza, one of his co-stars on Parks and Recreation.

Offerman’s response to the phone number? He got his phone and called her right there on stage. Sadly, she didn’t answer but Offerman left her a detailed message saying he was at MU and describing the guy that wanted her to have his number. He ended the call with, “He’s good to go.” That got a good laugh out of everyone.

After finishing his performance and answering every question, Offerman left the stage with a closing line that every true Tiger can love.

“Fuck Kansas,” he said as he disappeared offstage.