Throughout my childhood, I didn’t always see eye-to-eye with those in positions of authority. I wasn’t what you would call a “bad kid,” but often times I found myself questioning the need for certain rules, like the ones governing the appropriate times for talking in class or how many times you can use the word “fuck” in a persuasive speech (the answer, it turns out, is zero. Though, in my defense, I was quoting a rapper, and it’s difficult to find quotes from them without “fuck” in one form or another).
And as I often found out, there are consequences for breaking the rules, no matter how unjust you think they are. Talking in class led to roughly 12 grades worth of report cards with “too much socializing” in the comment sections. Dropping the F-bomb resulted in me doing 10 pushups in front of the entire class and getting an B instead of a A on what was an otherwise brilliant speech.
These days, my continued fight against rules that are inequitable and arbitrary has brought on more serious consequences. Terms like “trespassing” or “student conduct violation” are starting to be thrown around just for wanting to throw a touchdown pass on Faurot Field at a time when the stadium might or might not have been open to the public.
One night, we managed to sneak into Memorial Stadium. We ran down the steps then onto the field, surprised at how easy it was to get in. Now was our chance to play ball on a real college field, which is exactly what we did until we were out of breath and the Missouri humidity had brought out enough of our sweat.
Still unsatisfied, we decided to check out the area beneath the band’s seating on the south side of the stadium. That was when we got busted.
A cop pulled up with only a fence in between us, leaving my friends and I utterly conspicuous. We were issued tickets for trespassing and then sent on our way. It didn’t seem like a big deal and it turned out to not be, at least on the legal side.
But MU wasn’t satisfied with letting the law handle it. Instead of dealing with the long dick of the law, I had to deal with the long dick of the school. The law’s dick was actually quite small and painless in comparison.
The punishment handed down to me was three essays — each totaling more than 1,500 words — a year of disciplinary probation and 25 hours of community service.
I wouldn’t go as far as saying rules are meant to be broken because I quite enjoy the safety of breaking into my house and kicking me in the nuts being illegal. Instead, I’ll say we should live by the spirit of the law rather than the letter of it.
Punishing me for trespassing makes sense if I broke in and spray-painted “Ian was here” or took a dump on the 50-yard line. But for something so innocuous as tossing the old pigskin around? Not so much.
Also worth consideration is the fact so many students have done the same thing.
Breaking in and kissing the 50 is one of the seven unofficial traditions of this school. Despite five of them being illegal and despite what I’m being forced to write in those monstrous essays, the traditions are relatively harmless. They don’t encourage vandalism — they encourage exploration.
That exploration can be a beautiful thing, as students get to see some of the unique parts of our beautiful campus. Sure, it’s risky, and the administration will point out students can fall climbing onto Jesse Hall or into the sewers. But I know many people who’ve ventured into those areas, none of whom got hurt.
At the very least, MU should let the law handle these violations and not add insult to injury. I’m not suggesting I should have gotten away with what I did — I just think the punishment far outweighed the crime.
