After exploding into theaters last Friday, “The Expendables 2” has managed to rise to the top of box offices.

Although, topping this week’s box office charts wasn’t really much of a challenge considering the competition. Imagine winning a footrace against a toddler; nobody would be impressed. Not that I’m insulting “Sparkle” or “ParaNorman.” They’re just not as good as a movie that could have been scripted by a third grader. This kid has an eye for special effects though, so that’s almost saying something!

For those of you who caught the original “The Expendables,” nothing about this movie should be a surprise. The star-studded cast of nearly retired action stars (Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and Randy Couture) return alongside a few new additions (Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Liam Hemsworth), and a few guys from the last flick who get to finally see some action (Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger).

This time, a plane crash prompts Mr. Church (Willis) to send Stallone and his team of mercenaries to recover an important object, and naturally nothing goes according to plan. The oh-so-incredibly-originally-named villain, Vilain, (Van Damme) has a sinister plan to make himself and his Satan-worshipping cartel (not a spoiler, they mention this and never talk about it again) incredibly rich.

On the positive side, “The Expendables 2” didn’t skimp on the pyrotechnics. And this brings us to the first of two easy questions you need to ask yourself before you decide whether to go see it.

First, ask yourself, “How much time do I believe I could spend staring at something exploding over and over again?” If your answer starts to approach the hour and a half mark, you’re going to have a good time. Bonus points for you if you generally criticize movies for not exploding enough heads; you’re going to be grinning like an idiot through most of the movie. Seriously, the number of exploding heads will blow your mind, pun intended.

The second question is, “Do I generally find horrible one-liners funny?” Here’s a test for you: _I was reading a book, “The History of Glue.” I couldn’t put it down._

Did you laugh? If you did, stop reading right now and drive to the nearest theater. Don’t worry about the time; I’m sure a showing is starting soon. I’ll just wait here for you to get back. For those of us who didn’t laugh (or suppressed a chortle), be warned that this movie will contain some of the cheesiest dialogue you’ve heard in quite some time. I spent most of the time they were talking just sitting in sheer disbelief in what I was hearing. It’s actually surprisingly hard to not laugh much of the time; the dialogue is just that bad.

There is one glaring deficiency to think about before you decide to see “The Expendables 2.” Do you remember the plot to the original “The Expendables?” No? Well imagine that plot, but with less plot. The writers decided to forgo things like logic and physics and take the “let’s just keep blowing things up and having random characters appear without explaining how they got there” approach.

And I, for one, am glad they did. This movie isn’t contending for best original screenplay, it’s just supposed to keep giving us knives, guns and explosions until there’s nothing left to stab, shoot or blow up. Plot would just get in the way of good ol’ fashioned violence. Hell, they didn’t even really need to give the characters names. Most of the older action stars make blatant references to each other’s careers or use famous lines from their previous movies so casually that it feels like they’re simply playing themselves, not their characters.

Overall, I’d have to give “The Expendables 2” a modest three exploding heads out of five. If you’re having a Bros’ Night Out, this is a very entertaining movie to go see, provided you’ve already seen “The Dark Knight Rises” at least twice. If you want substance, look elsewhere. Now get out there and watch some movies, and make sure to come back next week when (looks around sheepishly) I’ll be back. Oh yeah, you’ll also get incredibly annoyed with that line. It’s everywhere.