Maybe it’s just been a while. Maybe that long distance relationship is starting to wear on you with the whole lack-of-penis part. Or maybe sex has just lately seemed like an unnecessarily sweaty workout, and you’re bored.
So at some point, you find yourself wandering in that especially shady corner of Spencer’s Gifts or scrolling through hundreds of images of scary neon plastic phallic thingies online. And the whole experience just makes sex toys seem gross and weird and scary.
But, oh my darling babes, you know what? I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way. I have been to the mountaintop and seen the promise of Sex Toyland, and I assure you, it’s wonderful. And cupcake-flavored.
You see, last weekend, I attended my first sex toy party. It was hosted by Pure Romance, the world’s largest in-home sex toy party company. So imagine, basically, a Tupperware party but with a few more vibrators and massage oils.
About 20 female friends (and three brave males) had gathered for an evening at a friend’s apartment, where we sipped wine and giggled nervously as a Pure Romance consultant handed out glossy catalogs and then brought out the toys.
Within half an hour, we were cackling with laughter, passing around pink bottles of shaving lotion named “Coochy,” dabbing tingling nipple balm on our lips, licking samples of lube that tasted like sugar cookies and vanilla cupcakes off our wrists, and taking turns holding giant, gyrating vibrating oddities in our hands. It was as non-gross and non-weird and non-scary as it sounds.
Like many of you, I’d never owned a sex toy before, so I pulled our total sweetheart of a consultant, Kayla Lewis, aside for some advice. Here are her top three tips for buying a toy for the first time:
**1. Know what works for you**
There are three basic types of sex toys for women, based on what part you want to show some love to. For clitoral stimulation, which Kayla says is necessary for 80 percent of women to orgasm, you’ll want a bullet vibrator. For actual penetration, there are vaginal vibrators (think from simple vibrating shafts to a Sex and the City rabbit) and thumbs up-shaped G-spot vibrators.
**2. Start small and soft**
For first-timers, Kayla recommends silicone models, which are way more comfortable than hard plastic. Try out vibrators against the tip of your nose for an idea of how it’ll feel down under. Plus, the Pure Romance catalog and website all list length and girth measurements of each toy, so you know exactly what to expect.
**3. Take care of your toys**
With multiple toys, Kayla advises against storing them together. Silicone products can melt together over time. She also suggests either buying antibacterial cleaner or cleaning toys with just warm water. Don’t use regular soap, because do you really want those kinds of chemicals all up your nether regions?
**4. Keep an open mind**
This tip is my own, but I do hope that if you haven’t thought seriously about investing in sex toys before, you will now. It’s so much more than just vibrators. It’s a whole world of lubricants and lotions that tingle, warm up, taste great and do sneaky things, like make giving head easier (uh, #holygrail). Even amongst vibrators, there’s an incredible range, from cute little finger rings you can charge in your car, to giant monoliths that suction-cup to your bathtub. And I haven’t even gotten into male toys or couples’ toys yet, mostly because I just can’t unwrap my mind around the existence of a blowjob throat relaxer.
_Love,
Edna_
