There’s a point in every relationship when you ask yourself, “What are we?” Or better yet, you ask yourself, “What does _he_ think we are?”
If you’re asking these questions, you clearly don’t know the answers. Anxiety starts to run high over thoughts like, “Do I call him my boyfriend?” or “Are we still allowed to hook up with other people?”
All the lines are blurred and you’re left confused and on edge. I like to call this the Assumption Period.
Many people refer to their relationship during the Assumption Period as a “thing.” The problem with this is everyone defines a “thing” differently. Some assume that their relationship is very serious, just undefined. Some assume that their relationship is very minor and just fun for the time being. Some just assume that their relationship is a friends-with-benefits situation. There’s no real outline to what a “thing” entails.
When people assume that they’re on the same page with someone who they haven’t outlined the status of their relationship with, one side usually ends up getting hurt. One person could want to take the relationship to the next level, whereas the other wants it to either stay the same or be done with it forever.
The worst part of these situations is that no one wants to initiate the conversation because they’re afraid of the outcome. Therefore, many people find it easier to simply assume that the other person wants the same thing they do, fearing that they actually don’t.
I don’t think many people are huge fans of the “what are we?” talk. It poses a question that ends in black and white, while sometimes it’s easy to just stay in the grey. This grey area acts as a definition in a relationship that seems to have no definition.
I will say that not all relationships have to be specifically defined. Some relationships thrive in the grey area for long periods of time until the point in which they reach the black and white area that is “boyfriend-girlfriend,” or fizzle out for the better.
However, I have seen so many girls stick to the status of “thing” and end up getting hurt because the other person uses the undefined nature of the relationship as a free pass to do whatever they want. How can people necessarily consider it cheating if the relationship was never defined? Very often, they can’t.
So instead of worrying about this, it’s much easier to bite the bullet and ask the question. Although there’s always the fear that this conversation could make or break the relationship, the final outcome is typically what’s best.
If two people don’t want the same thing, odds are it won’t work out, especially in the long run. Relationships are about being on the same page, no matter if you’re friends with benefits or exclusive.
Many times you are completely aware that the relationship isn’t anything serious to your significant other. However, you stay with them in the grey area in hopes of this fact changing. Unfortunately, when the other person doesn’t want to define a relationship, it often means they aren’t ready for a serious commitment, and that probably won’t change anytime soon. However, sometimes it just takes the right person to come along and make them forget about their prior agenda toward dating.
The grey area is full of assumptions that are right or wrong. In order to avoid any trouble, it’s much easier to talk about boundaries and draw the lines. If you define your relationship as a “thing,” make sure your definition of this matches up with your partner’s.
