I have good news and bad news. First, the good: “The Conspirator” is the best movie with both a Lincoln and a lawyer out right now and by going to “The Conspirator,” you are not lining the pants pockets of Matthew McConaughey with cash — you would also be avoiding lining his jacket pockets, but since the man can’t keep his shirt on for more than five minutes at a time, it’s a safe bet he’s not wearing a money-lined jacket.

But that’s where the good news ends and the bad news begins. “The Conspirator” has no business in a movie theater. Hell, it barely has business as a Lifetime original movie. Anyone expecting a cool “Valkyrie”-esque conspiracy plot to assassinate President Abraham Lincoln should find something else immediately.

Instead we are — I’ll be generous and say “treated” — to the trial immediately following the assassination that looks to put Mary Surratt to death. Right, so not John Wilkes Booth. If you were expecting him (which, why wouldn’t you in a movie about the assassination of Lincoln?) he got about 10 minutes of screen time. Lincoln himself is shown for a total of five minutes, and in those minutes, he doesn’t say a word. The assassination and subsequent hunting and killing of Booth are a blip in this two-hour epic.

With my expectations in tatters, I decided to just watch the thing, but director Robert Redford appeared inclined otherwise. The amount of lens filters made it look as if I were watching on a dusty TV screen. The lighting, while an obvious attempt at something artful, ends up making scenes either too dark or blown out — especially in scenes where Surratt is in prison.

Redford also utilizes time skipping, both back and forth, but only specifies on screen when time has skipped forward. Flashback scenes are shown without warning or clarification, which made it a bit jarring to see Booth walking around when just 30 minutes ago, I had seen him shot in the back.

Cast choices astounded me. James McAvoy, who plays Frederick Aiken, Surratt’s lawyer and the main character of the film, does alright but lacks the punch a bigger actor could’ve brought to the role. Equally astounding is the choice in Justin Long for a period-piece drama. Again, satisfactory performance, but I couldn’t get “he’s a Mac, not a Union soldier,” out of my head.

I feel like this is the part where I’m supposed to find some redeeming qualities that give you a ray of hope. Well, it does show a great American injustice — albeit, presented in a slow-paced, uneventful manner — and it does reveal some interesting facts at the end of the film — shown with text which is, again, slow and uneventful.

And the period-clothing is well done.

Look at me, discussing costume design. Obviously, I’m grabbing at straws. Bottom line: Weak presentation, odd cast, misleading plot and title, better than Matthew McConaughey, but not worth your time.