“Hatch Nasty,” “Sh***y Schurz” — you’ve heard it all. On-campus living at MU is expensive, but convenient and required for freshmen in most instances. With 23 possible on-campus housing locations, which dorms stand out? What makes a “good” or “bad” dorm? Careful consideration has driven me to create a solid top five and bottom three ranking of the residence halls on MU’s campus. The criteria used in these rankings is as follows: proximity to prominent locations, amenities, room size, art and decor, vibes and overall cleanliness. 

The Worst

Coming in at a solid last place, McDavid Hall. Named after former MU Board of Curators member Frank Mitchell McDavid and last renovated in 2007, the best this hall has to offer is … a pool table, which was donated by RHA. For starters, McDavid is incredibly far from practically every important location on-campus. Sure, those in the College of Engineering and School of Journalism may enjoy the slightly shorter walk to classes, but what about anywhere else? A whopping 16 minute walk to both Plaza 900 and Rollins Dining, two of MU’s most iconic dining halls. 15 minutes to MizzouRec, 11 minutes to the MU Student Center and 13 minutes to the Southwest Mizzou Market. In the current days of frequent 10-degree weather, these walks are downright brutal. What McDavid lacks in locational proximity, it also lacks in amenities, room size and overall dorm aesthetics. Community-style double rooms come out to 15 feet 5 inches by 10 feet 10 inches, which is rather average. Suite-style rooms are not offered and the dresser given to double rooms is a single, four-shelved drawer shared by both. Low ceilings and cinder block walls make for an unhomely combination to residents. If you want to live in Park View, choose Mark Twain.

In second and third to last, respectively, we have Hatch Hall and Schurz Hall. These halls are named after William Hatch and Carl Schurz, former Missouri congressman. We all know the nicknames for these two dorms and they exist for a reason. An odd smell may begin to fill your nose immediately after entering these dorms. Questionable carpet stains and uncomfortable shower spaces run rampant across the two. The general aesthetic and vibe of these dorms is dreary and sad, making for a rather unhappy place to reside. Furthermore, a 10 minute walk to Ellis Library and 15 minutes to the Francis Quadrangle. Double community style room sizes for both come in at 15 feet 6 inches by 11 feet 7 inches, which are just slightly better than that of McDavid. With the removal of Baja Grill from underneath Hatch to the MU Student Center in 2022, the closest options for dining are a 4 minute walk to both Plaza 900 and Rollins Dining, which isn’t too bad all things considered. Hatch and Schurz, despite their not so rosy reputation, can bring residents together in mutual suffering.

The Best

In third place, we have Gateway Hall. Gateway is a beautiful dorm, built third-most-recently in 2015. The dorm is named in honor of MU being the first established public university built west of the Mississippi. And unlike the aforementioned dorms, what Gateway lacks in proximity to prominent locations, it makes up for with its beautiful interior setting and vibe. Room size comes in at 9 feet 10 inches by 13 feet, which is slightly below average. Gateway’s triangular room theme makes for a contemporary, but quirky hall to reside in. It is especially loved for its unique style of unisex bathrooms. Residents in Gateway are able to use the shower, a bathroom and sink all to themselves, if only temporarily. The added privacy and moving away from the dreaded communal bathroom can make for a big difference in one’s quality of life. Moreover, the clean, fresh feel is easy on both the eye and the nose. Beautiful lounges in the apartment-inspired hall contain comfortable booths and large glass walls from floor to ceiling. Intentional choices of wall, ceiling and floor color plus paintings make for a modern interior design. I’d urge anyone who has not stepped foot in Gateway Hall to take a moment to do so.

In second place, we have Johnston Hall and Wolpers Hall. Named after Eva Johnston — the first dean of women students at MU — Johnston is the sole all-female dorm on campus. Wolpers Hall was named after John Wolpers, former UM Board of Curator president, and formerly was an all-male dorm. Recent renovations made to the halls in 2015 have given it a sleek, modern feel. The biggest contributor to the high score of Johnston and Wolpers has been its perfect location to MU’s most prominent locations: two minutes to the MU Student Center and MizzouRec, three minutes to Mizzou Market on Hitt St. and Plaza 900, four minutes to Ellis Library and Memorial Union and just seven minutes to Jesse Hall and the Columns on Francis Quadrangle. Johnston boasts a community-style double room size of 14 feet 2 inches by 13 feet and the Southeast Asian-inspired dining hall Sabai directly below. The proximity of these two dorms is simply unbeaten by any other on campus and what has solidified it to the second slot of this ranking.

In first place, we have George C. Brooks Hall and Lucile Bluford Hall. Named after two prominent Black alumni, Brooks Hall and Bluford Hall are the two most recent dorms built on campus, in 2016 and 2017 respectively. The recent construction of these dorms is obvious as its modern design makes for a sight to see. Paintings, computers, lounge spaces and overall cleanliness add to the refined atmosphere of these dorms. Community-style double room sizes of both add up to 17 feet 8 inches by 11 feet, longer than most on campus. Rooms are also offered with a lighter, more homely set of provided furniture. The wood color of the desk and drawers are appealing to the eye, for example. Students in the Panhellenic Association will particularly love these dorms, as they are the closest to many of MU’s most prominent Greek houses. Nearly 30% of undergraduate students at MU participate in fraternity or sorority life. Although Brooks and Bluford are a greater distance away from many prominent locations, what sets them apart from Gateway is the existence of Southwest Village. Southwest Village offers a Starbucks, Mizzou Market, eSports lounge—the MSI training facility, a beautiful outdoor courtyard and The Restaurants at Southwest, which offers six diverse dining locations for students. The community built by the residents of Southwest Village is palpable and homely. The sheer quality, aesthetics and cleanliness of Brooks Hall and Bluford Hall is simply unbeaten.

Edited by Ever Cole, ecole@themaneater.com

Copy edited by Sterling Sewell and Lauren Courtney