Public transportation, in general, is the great democratizer, but airports have a larger range of classes and a much wider variety of people than almost anywhere else you can find. The average person (belonging to the middle 50 percent) is quite normal, but the extremes tend to be very much, well, extreme. Here, for your reading pleasure, are the five types of travelers you are guaranteed to come across in any airport — no matter how low you sink in your vinyl chair.

**1. The Personally-Affronted Businessman**

Easily distinguished by the copy of The Atlantic or The Economist (s)he is reading, as well as the Dell laptop and Blackberry (which somehow never gets shut off in-flight), the Businessman is a staple on any domestic or international flight. Beware particularly if traveling to a big city, as multiple Businessman might descend on one plane. The Businessman, in addition to his staple periodicals and technology collection, characteristically wears a smug look, noted by a chin elevation of approximately two centimeters and glasses. Younger Businessmen seem to have a special preference for half-rimmed Ray-Bans.

The true feature of the Personally-Affronted Businessman, however, is, as the title suggests, a trademark attitude of taking minor setbacks personally. A delay of 15 minutes? The Personally-Affronted Businessman will exhale loudly, raise his eyebrows, lower The Economist slightly, then look around at everyone else with an exasperated look. The delay affects him and only him, and he is greatly offended by this obstacle — the airline must have it in especially for him.
To sum up: It’s his flight — we’re all just riding on it.

**2. The Karen**

Taking her name from Dane Cook’s monologue about that one “off” person in each group of friends, the Karen is inescapable. The opposite of a savvy traveler, the Karen tends to have oversized carry-ons that simply won’t fit in the overhead compartment — but she will try for a good 15 minutes. Cat-patterned tapestry is the preferred luggage textile. If you want to spot a Karen while in the gate, look for an early-’90s haircut, sensible shoes and an embroidered sweatshirt from a blandly exotic destination (Dublin, Newport, Vancouver — somewhere nice). Just don’t get behind her in the boarding queue.

**3. The Well-Coiffed Traveler**

This is the traveler we all love to hate. Typically a female, the Well-Coiffed Traveler strides confidently through the terminal in four-inch stiletto boots, with hair in a perpetually-peppy pony, no matter how many hours it has spent against a headrest. Other distinguishing features include a bottle of Evian, a lack of dark under-eye circles and several women’s magazines rolled under the suitcase handle. She makes flying look effortlessly easy, and though we salute her for it, more than a few of us would secretly like to see her credit card declined.

**4. The Crazy**

This is the one you make eye contact with in the gate, then immediately find the overhead monitor above him intensely interesting. Trademark apparel includes a broad-brimmed fedora or a leather duster. Additional items might include any combination of the following: bolero tie, combat boots, sunglasses worn indoors and facial hair of the sketchily scruffy variety. The hipster sub-genre, characterized by American-Apparel-on-crack dress, is quite common on flights going through New York, San Francisco and Chicago.

**5. The Screaming Infant of Hopelessness**

After trying desperately to board the infant in a kennel, then pleading with the collection at the local zoo to take it, desperate mothers make the terrible mistake of taking the infant-who-will-not-shut-up to the airport. Instead of simply checking it through in its car seat, mothers seem to be legally bound to bring it on board. The Screaming Infant seems to have developed a communication system specific to its age group, in which one scream elicits an identical response from all other children within approximately 25 feet. The infestation then spreads like bedbugs throughout the terminal and continues until arrival at the destination gate.