I will never, ever run a marathon.
If you know me at all, then you’ve probably noticed some obvious reasons for this. First, I’m unnaturally tall and lanky. This helps me in basketball, table tennis and reaching the cookie jar placed in the top cabinet of the kitchen. However, it does not lend itself to running. Also, I have similar form to Bigfoot in the one known video of him, where he lumbers awkwardly into the forest. Thirdly, I have the stamina and endurance of a dedicated chain smoker. Physically, I’m a mess. But the other reason I’d never run a marathon is that I already run a spiritual one every year. It’s called the Major League Baseball season, and the teams are nearing the starting blocks.
The baseball season, possibly more than any other sport, is a test of a fan’s will. Games parallel the season as a whole — it’s very long, there are extended periods where nothing happens, and every once in a while you see something brilliant that makes the whole thing worthwhile. It’s a season with more ups and downs than the streets of San Francisco. Teams experience hitting streaks, no-hitters, injuries, extended slumps, steroid accusations, walk-off homers and shaving cream pies to the face — and that’s all before July. If the season is a roller coaster ride, right now we’re all on that slow, exciting, terrifying ascension to the top of the hill.
The truly great thing about February and March for a baseball fan is the undeniably optimistic feeling of hope emanating throughout the league during these months. No matter how unproven your pitching staff is, how many of your players left or were arrested in the offseason or how many games back you were after the first month of 2010, there’s always a chance this season could be different. Even the Kansas City Royals have hope, and that’s not something that can be said in almost any other month.
Of course, just like any other year, there are early favorites. In the American League, the Boston Red Sox are looking incredibly strong after adding the prized free agent bats of Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez, as well as strengthening the depth of their bullpen with the acquisition of Bobby “Supersize Me” Jenks. However, they’ll be pushed in their division by the Tampa Bay Rays, who have a young, talented pitching staff as well as a “Retro Red Sox” feel after the acquisitions of Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon. Meanwhile, the pesky Minnesota Twins should contend, as they always do, along with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of America of Earth (I believe that’s their official title).
In the National League, or as I call it, “the Inferior League,” the Phillies look poised to dominate, having compiled one of the premier starting rotations in league history. If pitching really wins championships, look no further. Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt are all legitimate Cy Young contenders. And in other news, 5th starter Joe Blanton is a warm body with a pulse, which is all you really need to man the back end of that rotation.
If their offense holds up, the World Champion Giants may also have what it takes to make another deep run. They were virtually unhittable throughout the 2010 postseason, and with the entire starting staff returning Los Gigantes are once again going to be very hard to beat.
But like I said, although some teams seem to be more stacked than others, in February everybody has a chance. Even though I’m tall, lanky and uncoordinated, before that marathon starts, my chances of winning are the same as everybody else’s. So Royals fans, enjoy it while it lasts.
