Twelve years ago, USA Today named Booches’ burger one of the 10 best in the nation. But does it live up to the test in 2012? Or what about the famous ‘Berg — are the burgers there as good as their giant-sized appetizers? Or Flat Branch Pub and Brewery, the favorite spot to take your parents whenever they come to visit? The biggest question: Is it possible to sort out which burger is the best?

Yes. I, the former vegetarian, set out to find out how each restaurant makes a classic cheeseburger, because if you can’t make a delicious American classic, what can you make?

***FLAT BRANCH***

I was a little curious as to where the 1/2-pound slab of beef on my plate came from. So, I had my own “Portlandia” moment and asked where the cow lived. Instead of getting a name, I found out that it was sourced from Iowa Beef Packers, which is, at least, an American company.

It wasn’t a bad burger. But I didn’t want to eat it until my stomach felt like it was tearing apart at the seams, in the words of a fellow taste-tester, because it wasn’t that good. To balance out the sheer amount of dead cow on the burger, it needed a lot more cheese. A wimpy slice or two of American cheese doesn’t balance out the burger’s taste and add enough flavor.

Part of the flavor problem stems from the lack of flavor in the actual ground beef. When you end up getting a very traditional cheeseburger, there is very little to mask the taste of beef. Luckily there were bowls of ranch and Flat Branch’s garlic sour cream on the table.

Dip it in the ranch. Just do it. It covers up the charred burger taste. The sour cream is more subdued. Despite the ranch being better, the sour cream still works well with the burger.

Lacking a distinct flavor isn’t always a bad thing, but after eating more than your fair share of burgers just to sort out the top three, you know what you’re looking for. It’s not Flat Branch.

Location: 115 S. Fifth St.

***THE HEIDELBERG***

Sometimes burgers are so beautiful and perfect-looking that they look too good to even touch. The cheese is melted just right and the meat is truly cooked: no pink edges. And the fries? Yum.

Let’s talk about the meat-to-cheese ratio. There is so much cheese that it is practically dripping over the edges. Umm, delicious?

It’s super greasy because of the cheese melting all over. This is one of those instances where you actually need every napkin in the vicinity just to send a quick text.

Regardless, the meat is on the dry side. The cheese does make it less noticeable, but God help you if your first bite is a part without cheese. Avoid that, and it’s a pretty burger.

Location: 410 S. Ninth St.

***BOOCHES***

It isn’t a cute burger, but cuteness isn’t everything. But that’s what I like about Booches: it isn’t a cutesy place to grab a burger. The menu is thrown up on a wall, it’s not well-lit and it’s not the type of place where I can ask the name of the cow my burger came from. When I went in to grab a cheeseburger, I wasn’t expecting much — regardless of what USA Today says.

But it was good. So good.

The cheeseburger itself is barely bigger than my fist, which is my kind of burger (normal-sized people will need to order two). I usually count the presentation as part of the show, but the bun was thrown on, the cheese was sliding off and I wasn’t sure of the patty’s shape (definitely not circular).

Don’t be alarmed by its appearance. It’s exactly what you’ve spent months searching for. The first bite — and every bite after — is chewy goodness. The Swiss cheese adds so much flavor-wise, but the greasiness really comes from the seasoned beef. The extra seasoning sends major points Booches’ way.

Burgers are supposed to be comforting and uncomplicated. Booches’ burger is exactly that.

Location: 110 S. Ninth St.