Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for happy couples who are still in their honeymoon phase to celebrate their shared happiness with over-the-top expressions of love, commitment and romantic admiration.

In order to perpetuate those feelings, stores and commercials make sure we are constantly bombarded by flying cupids, baby pink hearts and giant teddy bears throughout the whole month of February. To the unhappily committed, this all seems like a sugary slap to the face, because for all the things that Valentine’s Day stands for, ending your quickly decaying relationship is not one of them.

So for those stuck in crappy relationships on this joyous day of love and affection, here are a few V-Day gifts to give your soon-to-be-ex significant other to let them know you are only staying with them out of social obligation, and if you had your way, you’d be out the door in a candy-coated heartbeat.

**1. An Adele CD** – because what else says “you’re about to be really sad” better than Adele’s soul-crushing, heart-wrenching ballads about lost love and emotional turmoil?

**2). A body pillow** – a nice, subtle way to let them know that they will soon be sleeping alone.

**3. A gym membership** – an attempt to offend them so much that they’ll break up with you and save you the trouble. Proceed with caution. If you would rather not look like a huge asshole, you may want to try a different approach.

**4. A keychain with their name on it that you picked up at a gas station a few minutes before you saw them.** – this gift is a double whammy. It shows them that you 1) don’t care about them enough to plan out a nice gift and 2) know very little about them or their interests, besides what their name is. Bonus points if the name is spelled wrong.

**5. The movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” on DVD.**

**6. The book, “He’s Just Not That Into You”** – just to pour more salt in the wound.