CONTENT WARNING: This article mentions sexual violence.
Regardless of race or religion, there is one imminent beast — purity culture — rearing its head at every woman alive. Through social media and day-to-day interactions, it pushes young girls toward the unrealistic expectation that they should remain virgins: docile, feminine and physically untouched for their partners.
Angie Hong, a writer for The Atlantic, made this clear when discussing how she was sexualized — mainly by men — at her evangelical church outside Atlanta. She learned her virginity was like a delicate flower and spent many years believing her body was a curse.
This concern only heightened with other women gossiping about secret abortions and perpetuating the idea that immoral men would grow out of their predatory behavior.
When Hong finally heard a testimony of sexual assault at the hands of a mutual ‘friend’ and Christian leader, she began to realize her uncomfortable encounters were not a personal issue.
The reality? Purity pledges, rings or balls try to bind people to a code of ethics, but they never protect them from realizations like Hong’s. Ideas about morality generally develop with maturity. The promise of no-sex-till-marriage and utter submission is impossible for many young girls.
In preaching sexual purity, people forget that attempted or completed rape is still a reality for one out of six women according to statistics from RAINN (an American nonprofit and anti-sexual-assault organization). RAINN also said that someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every 73 seconds. These people do not have control over whether they’re considered “broken” because of their past encounters, and thus should never feel shame from a culture that doesn’t consider their experiences.
By the time many children are old enough to grasp the concept of ‘virginity,’ theirs have already been taken away through forces beyond their control. A 2021 BBC article estimates around 216,000 children have been sexually abused by members of the Catholic Church in France since 1950. This shows that institutions which shove purity down women’s throats are not innocent in the battle.
“I repented after every physical interaction with a man that crossed the strict boundaries laid out in my books and by my pastors,” Hong said in her article.
Her mindset about interacting with the opposite sex proves how damaging and unfair purity culture is to young women. This shame associated with chastity should not exist because there is no way to logically define someone as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ People are people — and they can never be universally perfect. The values that differentiate humankind will live forever, so it is important to recognize that those with differing views about sexuality must learn to live at peace.
In discussing the non-consensual side of sexuality, it is important to also acknowledge that consensual activities do not deserve judgment. People — no matter what — should never be made to feel ashamed for what they have or haven’t done with their own bodies.
Saving oneself for marriage is a personal decision. However, it is important to consider the motivation of whether it comes from societal pressure or personal beliefs. What point is there in believing something that brings shame?
Women like Hong might shine light on these often unrealistic and puritanical expectations, but this means there are people struggling with the same issues. Without a clear solution, the best thing to do is continually educate everyone on these human statistics. What makes a ‘good’ woman is not and will never be clear-cut. However, it is much easier to evaluate others — regardless of gender — on their intelligence, character and kindness over anything related to their bodies.
Edited by Cayli Yanagida, cyanagida@themaneater.com
