For those of you who have not tried it, cosmic bowling is not just bowling. It has all the rules of the original sport, sure, but all the bells and whistles it comes equipped with make it more like a festival of lights than a sport beloved by middle-aged males with beer guts and outdated moustaches. It’s a glorified, pimped-out version of what the game is used to being. And ladies and gentlemen, that’s what the Super Bowl is to football.
Contrary to popular belief, the Super Bowl is not just a game. It’s a bona fide national holiday. An excuse for the American public to do what has always come naturally- plant themselves in front of a television, and eat like Joey Chestnut at a hot dog competition. There’s fireworks, ill-conceived Doritos commercials, Fergie dressed in a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen — oh, and football, America’s favorite sport. What’s not to love?
But for the next 400 words, let’s try to look past all that glamour and focus on the game itself. One can’t help but notice that Super Bowl XLV and Super Bowl XLIV are completely opposite in almost every way. Last year’s edition featured two #1 seeds, teams that glided through the regular season with the ease of a snow plow effortlessly clearing Columbia’s streets (OK, bad example). Both squads were favored to win their selective leagues from early on in the season, and they followed through on that prediction.
Oh, how things have changed. The 2010-11 NFL season featured no clear favorite, and parody reigned through much of the season. The Packers were a popular Super Bowl pick before the season, but after losing much of their team to injury and failing to establish much of a running game, they needed a week 17 win over Chicago to limp into the playoffs as a wild card. They’ve gained steam throughout the playoffs behind the brilliance of Aaron Rodgers (who, I repeat, is not Brett Favre) and a tenacious defense headed by the blob known as B.J. Raji, the hair of NFL sack leader Clay Matthews, and 2009-10 NFL Defensive Player of the Year Charles Woodson.
The Steelers, too, were far from favorites in 2010. They played their first four games without the services of Ben Roethlisberger, a stretch that many analysts thought would immediately derail their season. However, they claimed a 3-1 record during that stint, thanks in part to a fierce, run-stout defense as well as the steady running of Rashard Mendenhall. They entered the postseason as the AFC’s #2 seed, and after grueling wins over Baltimore and the New York Jets find themselves in the big game for the 3rd time since 2005.
Not only that, but while Super Bowl XLIV’s New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts featured high-scoring offenses and mediocre, “bend but don’t break” defenses, both the Packers and Steelers feature a totally different approach. Both these defenses are incredibly physical, intimidating opponents with hard hits and ever-present pressure coming from every direction. The Steelers, in particular, are known for punching opponents in the mouth, then asking what they did wrong and desperately hoping the NFL doesn’t fine them. This game is not going to be about which offense thrives, but rather which offense manages to survive the onslaught.
So there you go. Behind all the glitter, fireworks and flare that come with being in the Super Bowl are two teams desperately trying to destroy the other. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. As for predictions, if I had to choose I’d say the Steelers are going to win by a field goal. In the battle of the big hair, Troy Polamalu’s black curls might just win out.
