It doesn’t take a few pints of Guinness for the Irish to be utterly incomprehensible. I hear conversations on the street that I know are in English, but between the rapid-fire muttering and lilting pitch, the Irish version of English sometimes seems like its own language.

Add to the accent and quick speaking some common phrases that, on the surface, make absolutely no sense, and an unprepared foreigner can lose track of a conversation the second it starts.

The first week, I heard people toasting instead of saying “thank you,” and it seemed like the entire population was always doing far better than just “good” and agreeing with each other when nothing needed to be agreed upon. My image of the Irish was that they were exceptionally grateful people in extraordinarily high spirits.

**Tips:**

-The Irish have a deadly fear of the “th” phoneme and have thus ruled it out of their language entirely by turning the sound into a hard “t.” You can imagine my confusion my first night when I was told my hostel room was “Up tere on da turd floor, I tink.” Floor tree it was.

-If you want to be truly Irish, swear a lot — as in every other word. But only after 9 p.m.

-For your first five days in Dublin, or for any period of time outside Dublin, there’s a 90 percent chance you won’t be able to understand anyone. If this is the case, resort to the “smile and nod” system. If you’re getting a blank look after an awkwardly prolonged pause, this means you’ve been asked a question, since…

-…the Irish, given their general sense of mischief, like to trick you by not ending interrogative sentences with an upward inflection. Thus, “It’s going to be sunny today?,” can be heard by the untrained ear as “It’s going to be sunny today.” This commonly results in wet socks and soaked bags.

-The Irish DO NOT say “Top o’ ta morning to yeh.” This is a myth perpetuated by the Lucky Charms leprechaun and his like.

**Vocabulary:**

**Ah, shur:** Translation: “Oh, sure…” The correct way to start any and all sentences, no matter the context/ultimate meaning. Example: “Ah, shur, the weather’s grand today.”

**Cheers:** Translation: “Thank you.” Since everyone here would rather be at the Stag’s Head instead of the office, they’ve removed the classic toast from its classic pub context and applied it to daily interactions. The interaction is especially used after someone’s done a service for another.

Examples: Thanking the bus driver upon exit, store cashier after giving a customer their change.

**Craic:** Pronounced “crack.” Derived from Gaelic word for “fun.” Refers to the uniquely Irish sense of it: a good, rollicking time without serious responsibility attached to it. In conversation, it’s applied to a specific situation or used to describe a person. Can also be used as alternative of “What’s up?,” in form of “What’s the craic?” Example: “I’d be up for a bit of craic tonight.” “Ah, invite him along – he’s great craic.”

**Fancy:** Translation: To have slightly more than an interest in someone; the beginning stages of “like.” Typically used after initial interest has set in. Example: “Oh, she was great craic, but I didn’t fancy her.”

**Feck:** Ireland’s socially-acceptable version of the “F-bomb.” Perfectly acceptable to use in normal conversation, but should still be reserved for topics of passionate emotion.

Example: “Ah Jaysus, I missed the feckin’ bus again.”

**Lad:** Young man, typically of the 18-34 demographic. Often found in pubs, clubs, gathered in small clusters on the street and, occasionally, in class.

**Thanks a million:** Commonly thrown about as an alternative to saying “Thank you.” Doesn’t necessarily imply any extra genuine gratitude.

**Yer grand:** Translation: “It’s fine.” Spoken after apologies from bumbling foreigners asking for directions and clumsy pedestrians.

**Yer man:** Translated into proper English as “your man,” this doesn’t refer to a man who is actually yours. Instead, it’s tossed around in casual conversation as a reference to a man whom you don’t know the name of, but for some reason stands out from the general male population. Example: Guy at club you’d like to dance with, store clerk you need to ask for directions, etc.

**True-life example, first Saturday night in Dublin:**

My Irish roommate: “Ah, shur, there’s yer man at the bar over there.”

Me: “What? He’s not my man.”

Roommate: “No, yer man – he’s right over there, ordering the pint.”

Me: “Fiona, he’s not my man.”

Roommate: “No, that’s him over there! I’m shur of it.”

Utter confusion ensues.