There’s a very simple rule in Hollywood: if it keeps making money, keep making more. Generally, this adage can be used to explain why “Paranormal Activity” movies keep being released, or why there was a “Spiderman” remake only 10 years after the original, or why another “Die Hard” movie is in production. Sometimes this philosophy works: the sequel to “Batman Begins” was one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the past decade. Hell, I’m excited for “The Expendables 3” if it ever comes out because it seems to be the only reliable action movie franchise left. But some movies don’t deserve sequels. Did we need “Lion King 1 1/2?” No. Did anyone see “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” and thank Hollywood for making it? No, but they still made money off of you.
I used to say Liam Neeson has only ever starred in good movies. He was in “Schindler’s List,” played a Jedi in “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace” and portrayed the famous villain Ra’s Al Ghul in “The Dark Knight Rises” before he beat most of Europe to a pulp in the original “Taken.” I could pretend he wasn’t in “Clash of the Titans,” and that worked for a few years. Then came “Wrath of the Titans” and “Battleship,” followed closely by “Taken 2.” It took a few late nights asking every major deity how anyone could let this happen, but I’ve finally come to terms with that fact that Liam Neeson, has in fact, starred in some pretty bad movies.
If you haven’t caught on by now, “Taken 2” is terrible. It’s obvious from the first few scenes that everyone involved knew people would turn out to see it after the success of “Taken” and decided to completely phone it in. The dialogue sounds forced and unnatural throughout the entire movie, including the 30-45 minutes in the beginning where absolutely nothing of value happens. Scene after scene of painful conversation eventually leads to Neeson and his family returning to Europe (Istanbul, to be exact) for a family vacation which is quickly interrupted when Neeson and his ex-wife are predictably abducted.
But the first “Taken” was primarily an action movie, so one would normally assume that after wading though the terribly formed plot and expositional dialogue, Liam would simply return to his normal ass-kicking self and rampage though cities to save his family. Unfortunately, what actually happens after the 45 minutes of cringing every time anyone but Liam Neeson speaks is much less exciting. Neeson “rampages” through maybe four city blocks, and in the process, he returns to the exact same place three times. “Taken 2” is not exactly the intense thrill-ride the original “Taken” was famous for. It’s not even close.
There are a few great parts if you happen to be a huge fan of watching Liam Neeson kill people, including a handful of hilarious one-liners, but those scenes are much too sparce to really redeem the movie. Most of your time will be spent mocking his daughter for her poor interpretation of the phrase “act casual” as she steals clothes and runs across rooftops, or wondering how she failed her driving test multiple times yet knows how to flip a car into neutral and make it drift like she’s Paul Walker.
After it’s all said and done, “Taken 2” was an amazingly underwhelming sequel to a good movie. It was plagued by the sense that nobody, including the writer and director, really cared about making a quality film, as they were too busy staring at the piles of cash the movie would make despite it’s quality. “Taken 2” gets a pathetic 2 abducted family members out of 5, which fails to dismount “The Words” from its position as the worst movie of the year. Then again, there’s always next week.
