Oh, public humiliation.
Most likely, if you are a human being and live on the planet Earth, you share this common experience with pretty much everyone: You will completely embarrass yourself in front of a large group of people. And if the previous statement applied to you in any way, then there is also a large possibility that you will encounter at least one instance of public humiliation in your life (or, in my case, several).
Our brains occasionally try to cope with this fear through dreams. For example, have you ever had _that_ dream? You know, the one where you are talking to a crowd of people, only to look down and realize that you’re only wearing your tighty whities? Yeah, imagine if that actually happened to you in _real life_. That will give you a pretty good image of my next story.
At this point, if you actively read my column, you are probably pretty sick and tired of me blabbing on about sorority life. Well, stick with me, people. After all, if you are in a group of 200-plus girls, and your name is Taylor Wanbaugh, something interesting is bound to happen on a daily basis.
Let me paint the picture for you: It’s Panhellenic Association Recruitment Week, a lovely Wednesday afternoon. On this particular day, all of the sororities attempt to show their sisterhood through elaborate skits involving hilarious acting, singing, dancing and a lot of fake laughing (the jokes get progressively less funny to the members after watching the skit around eight times during the day).
We were all wearing these really cute red dresses with heels that were slowly making my toes turn purple, and my mind wander to thoughts of foot amputation. There was, however, a slight problem with my personal wardrobe for the day. I am really, really (to the point of freakishly) tall, and I have a bit of what people call a “badonkadonk.” (Also, can I just point out that spell-check recognizes this word, and how proud I am right now?) So even though the size small dress fit me waist-wise, it was a wee bit tight across the junk-in-the-trunk region.
I was way too nervous about talking to potential new members to worry about my potential wardrobe malfunction, though, and it didn’t cross my mind as I knelt down in front of people to chat it up before the skit.
It was around the third round of skits as I was leading my guest up the stairs from our basement to the front door, when I felt a slight breeze around my hindquarter regions. I just assumed it was from the dress (I’m obviously not a big “dress person”) and kept walking on my merry way. After the girl I was talking with left, one of my sorority sisters pulled me aside.
“TAYLOR! There is a huge rip in your dress. Like, a _huge_ hole.”
I sprinted to the nearest bathroom and peered into the mirror. There was, indeed, a huge, gaping hole across my butt. In a moment of pure horror, I realized that every time I took a step, my dress flapped open like some sort of inappropriate parting of the Red Sea, and that I had flashed _everyone_.
Words can’t express how grateful I was not to have been wearing a thong that day.
An awesome experience, right? It can definitely be less awkward if you have a good support system of friends that will back you up no matter what. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who will accept you no matter what, and laugh _with_ you, not _at_ you.
It’s also good to have a sense of humor about life and to be able to laugh at yourself every once in awhile. If I took myself seriously all the time, there’s no way I would have made it this far in life.
