I once had a high school health teacher named Mr. Taylor, and he once told us, “You all don’t know how to talk to each other. All you know how to do is type.”

Unfortunately for Mr. Taylor, who taught his class with the help of an ancient overhead projector that he wheeled around the school, texting is here to stay. I can understand his frustration. Texting does somewhat hinder interaction. In what other form of communication is it normal to not get a response for five minutes?

Texts are hard enough to understand: Punctuation is ignored, letters are words and there are confusing abbreviations for everything (NOTTOMH = not off the top of my head).

Then came emoji.

I never used emoji. I thought, “Hey. I am articulate enough to express my feelings through words. I don’t need the help of a little yellow face.” But, after the last iOS update, my keyboard had them.

I had no idea there were so many of them. The amount of power I now had at my fingertips was overwhelming. I had no idea what some of them meant or when to send them.

That’s why I’m writing this article. I have made a list of some of the more confusing emoji, their meanings and when to use them.

**Kissing Face with Closed Eyes:** _“I like you. I am putting myself out there, and I hope you feel the same way.”_ Use this when you are trying to share your feelings with someone.

**Kissing Face with Disappointed Eyes:** _“I liked you. I put myself out there, and you didn’t feel the same way.”_ Use this when a person turns you down because you tried to tell them you liked them using an emoji.

**Face with no mouth:** _”No comment.”_ This is for when you receive a text and you don’t want to respond, but you need to respond because you have to show the other person that texted you that you read their text.

**Face with straight-line mouth:** 1. _“I am constipated.”_ 2. _”I can’t believe what someone just said.”_ Use for each individually or for both at the same time.

**Winking Face:** Kind of a flirty face, slightly suggestive. If you are a guy, use it when you want to flirt with a girl. If you are a girl, use it when you want to confuse the hell out of a guy.

**Winking Face with Huge Eye and Tongue Sticking Out:** This is a more realistic rendering of what your wink probably looks like. Use it if you really want to get honest with the person you are texting.

**Smirking Face that is Kind of Looking to the Side:** _”I made an inappropriate joke/I understand your inappropriate joke.”_ Best used right after a double entendre or a penis joke.

**Smiling Poop:** This is the undisputed heavyweight champion of the emoji world. Use this emoji at any time, for any reason.

This only scratches the surface of the dozens of emoji out there. There are ones of faces, body parts, plants, animals and, for some reason, two women in black leotards dancing. The most important thing in emoji use is your instinct. If you think it makes sense, then it probably does. And if you’re ever in doubt, just remember: smiling poop.